The Miracle At Minnesota
Xichael
Post-Operation Report and MoD Briefing Notes
Note 1: Regarding the capture and occupation of Minnesota, Canadian control of the region is now absolute. As a result of the Serbian
American is a natural target of Canadian aggression because its long land border does not necessitate naval elements. New ships soon, though
Note 2: Allegations of war crimes have been greatly exaggerated, but are not without merit. The MoFA is advised to take appropriate measures to avoid international censure. In a particularly fierce engagement, Canadian forces were left with no other alternative but to have Nickleback perform a live concert outside a surrounded military installation. The valiant American fighters resisted for an entire 12 minutes (exactly 2:27 into the song Photograph, to be exact) before surrendering en masse, but not before suffering numerous casualties. One initial survivor remarked "I actually kind of like Nicklb-" before being set upon by his peers. Another stated that our soldiers were so ruthless that he likened them to "Geese, the vicious northern variety, but hopped up on maple syrup and Timmies and crapping on your lawn at 5am."
In the vastness of Ontario's north, Canadian scientists no longer experiment with nuclear or biological agents, but cultural contaminants, deeming them much more effective
Note 3: Advanced preparations ensured an orderly invasion.
Former American special forces have already begun adapting to Canadian culture
Note 4 (Special):
Canadian President TemujinBC is expected to volunteer for the newly opened position of Governor-in-Butts of Minnesota
Note 5: The withdrawal from Minnesota in the near future can be expected to go smoothly. Canadian Forces have already begun deployment of the weapon that will ensure that the region becomes inhospitable for decades to come.
Justin Beiber was apprehended and purged of any identification to ensure that he cannot be legally returned to Canada. Godspeed USA.
Note 6: It is recommended that a border wall be constructed. This would ensure that the weapon does not find its way back into our country, but it will also ensure that our troops do not accidentally pillage Thunder Bay, Ontario again. As a result of similar geography, Canadian soldiers were convinced that they had arrived in Minnesota when they began terrorizing the city. They were only persuaded otherwise when they tasted the beer and confirmed that it did not taste like shit. Canadian troops will now be trained to taste the local brew before they begin pillaging.
As a result of similar terrain and culture, it is recommended that the border be more clearly defined. Or next time just come through Manitoba, because no one really gives a shit about what happens there
Conclusion:
The invasion of Minnesota may be viewed as miraculous, but it was truly a masterful execution of Canadian strategy. Despite several setbacks, Canadian forces were able to overcome their more numerous American opponents through a mix of terrible pop culture icons, excruciatingly overrated music, superior alcoholic beverages and preliminary cultural assimilation. The invasion was conducted so flawlessly that the American reaction has been described as indifference. One American lawmaker simply shrugged and asked "Minnesota? Wasn't that part of Canada already?"
That moment when US President Derphoof realizes they fucked up
Comments
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Minnesota, Canadian holy land!
P.s. Nickelback is cool. I loved" How You Remind Me" back then 😃
Please, chopp, save such vulgarities for the battlefield 😛
😇
Where's Rylde when you need him?
Who do you think we sent in to check out the beer??
ahah nice !!!
o7
Aren't TW fun?
If you tie up your wing flaps you can hear sleepy giants forced marching on tippy toes from Idaho towards Minnesota. Look to the sky for portents of apocalypse in the form of bombers dropping keg bombs of Molson Ale. Oh Canada, what have you done to yourselves?
Canada has weapons?
Hail Canada!
Xichael, this was awesome!
Gnil: Prolly just Temubutt's credit card.
Thanks! So when are you coming home?? 😛
Probably when Canada will get more production bonuses. 😛
Training Wars with eUSA increase activity. You're welcome Canuck.
~hyuu~
LOVE IT
Always taste the beer before drinking.
Cheers!
Nickelback sucks.
looking forward to some syrup soaked bacon with poutine and smoked salmon.
For a tribe of hunter-gatherers living on some sort of tundra, canadians have fun food!
Well the holding didn’t last long so.......
LOL.. I actually thought it is a training war! 🙂
I liked your beer jokes. 😃
Aboot as funny as ever eh? Nicely done!