The Hand That Rocks The CoT

Day 1,984, 08:01 • Published in Croatia Serbia • by OVALNI REBORN

My dear MaJIuLLIaH

I leave you now in front of these doors, even if you are barely a toddler. Yes, your hate toward me has birthed you into this world, has defined you ever since, and for this reason I call myself your mother. Love, hatred; two sides of the same coin. Go; deny it as you will, it will not change the truth. I put this letter into the cradle I have left you in for a stranger to find and claim you, so you may still learn from my mistakes. As you will find out soon, this world is filled with things by far more sinister and dangerous than your sickly, poor, old mother. I am flattered, I really am, for all the pains you went trough to force your revenge upon me, but time will come when you will have to change your ways or die for not being able to change.

In your old neighborhood, to which you are bound to return soon, other kids have formed gangs. Yes, it is so many of them and you are alone. So you have to be ready. The biggest and more cunning of all boys by far is called Lolek. He is known to keep in his pocket the biggest Hamster you have ever seen. When threatened, Lolek will send his Hamster to attack the threat, no matter the cost for the Hamster. Other boys in the gang you can ignore, these two are the important ones. The Crimson Sheep, The Crooked Talon, The Alpine Hamsters, Greg the Goof… all harmless, but for their power to confuse you. Ignore them! The new arrival into the gang, Roman, I know him well. You may think him dangerous but the best thing you could do is to ignore him. He is your half-brother and has inherited the same sickness I ha😛 multiple personality disorder.

Now, when you are attacked…no, no! If you have the balls to attack first you will have half the battle won already. I will tell you the secret I chose to ignore for the better part of the last year, at my peril. Their gang is the very unstable one. It rests on the feeble mind of the Hamster. If the Hamster is happy, if he is fed with his fruit and fish daily and given his fair portion of his plastic pistols, the whole gang is stable. When the Hamster is unhappy… that is when odd things happen. So my best advice to you is: hit the Hamster and hit him hard. Befriend Jean-Pierre; stop the Hamster from reaching the New Neighborhood! Hit his fruit, his fish, and his rubber wheel. Jean-Pierre is the way! Make the Hamster cry and have the popcorns at hand to pop them at the flame that will ensue. Trust me! Forget your houses, let them burn; if you are to defend them; you will lose this battle for sure. Hit the Hamster, my ghost will be there to help you. And keep the Hamster in the Old Neighborhood at all costs in a cage as small as possible. Forget the others, forget yourself keep your eye only on the Hamster! That is the way to salvation.

Your Mother,
Eden