The funniest jokes ever told - 3
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by lord of the light
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When the husband finally died his wife put in the newspaper announcing the death, adding that he died of gonorrhea. Once the newspaper was distributed, a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly,
- You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea!
The widow sai😛
- I nursed him night and day so of course I know that he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better to remember him as a great lover rather than the big sh** ... he always was.
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An old woman, during mass tilts and says to her husband's ear:
- I just drop a silent fart. What do you think I do?
The old answers?
- Now nothing. But when we leave we will buy new batteries for your hearing aid.
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The doctor serves the elderly millionaire, who was wearing a revolutionary hearing aid and asks:
- Hey, Mr. Oliver, is enjoying the device?
- It's very good! ? replied the old man.
- And the family like? ? asks the doctor.
- I have not told anyone yet ... But I changed my testament three times!
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An old couple goes to the office of a lawyer to be prepared for divorce. The lawyer, seeing them as so old, asked why they will do so at that age so advanced.
Determined to divorce the old lady says:
- See doctor, is that he has, with much effort, a single erection in years e. ..
The old super nervous interrupts saying
- And she wants me to waste them with her
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A couple is in the kitchen
She is preparing the breakfast, laying eggs in the pan to cook He is reading the newspaper
Suddenly she stops, turns toward her husband and says:
"Come and eat me. Now and right here on the kitchen table"
He happily runs to the table, pull your pants down and gladly gives her what she wanted.
Then the dress again he asks:
"Honey, what happened to you today to surprise me like that?"
She:
"The clock's broke. How else could I know when you have 2 minutes and the eggs are ready?"
A guy finds a friend had not seen for a long time and wanting to be nice, starts the conversation:
- So, Ryan, okay?
- Terrible. - Answer the other.
- But how ... What about your Ferrari?
- It was broken in an accident .... And the insurance lapse had just
- Well, go to the rings, but are your fingers ... And your son super-intelligent?
- This was stamped the Ferrari ... Died.
The friend then changes the conversation:
- And your daughter, this beautiful, that was a model?
- Well ... He was with his brother .... Only my wife is not in the car.
- Thank God! How is she?
- Fled with my partner ...
- Well .. At least the company was just for you.
- Yes, bankrupt ... Totally bankrupt ... I owe millions!
- Damn! Let 's just change the subject! And your club?
- 'S too bad ... I`m Liverpool!
- For the love of God, Ryan! Do you really have anything positive?
- I ... HIV!
In bed for a new position to try!
It is called "Position RODEO"
1. Ask your lady face down in bed.
2. Penetrate gently
3. Take the hands of his two breasts
4. Say in a loud voice: "They are equal to those of my colleague Julliane"!
5. From there you need to hold up at least 8 seconds.
GOOD LUCK ... ... !!!!!!!
A very pretty lady looking for a tattoo artist and asked him
- Take me in my left buttock a lovely Easter bunny.
The tattoo artist worked and made a perfect bunny, which she loved.
- Now, do me a Santa Claus with his bag of gifts on my right buttock.
The tattoo artist worked and did a beautiful job, which she approved unconditionally.
She asked how much was paid and when going out, the artist sai😛
- Madam, your request to me was unheard of and that made me very curious.
Please tell me why an Easter bunny in a buttock and a Father Christmas in another?
She said
- It's for me to shut up my husband, who is always saying that back home there is nothing good to eat between Easter and Christmas ...!
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A blonde is worried because think your husband is having an affair. Go to a gun store and buy a gun. The next day she returns home and finds her husband in bed with a stunning redhead ..
She points, then the gun to his head ..
The husband jumps out of bed, begs and pleads for her not to kill. Shouting, the blonde replies:
- Shut up, piece of s ***!!! You're next!
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One blonde asks another:
- What is more distant, London or the Moon?
The other answers:
- Damn! What question more meaningless! You can not see London from here??
- No!
- So ..... friendddddd ...
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The blonde asks a pizza by phone. Then, ask the pizza:
- Do you want me to cut into four or eight pieces?
And the blonde:
- In four, please! I never could stand to eat eight pieces.
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One Sunday morning, the
subject tended quietly
your garden, when his
sexy neighbor, a blonde
let anyone drooling,
walked to the box
mail, opened it, and soon after
closed it and came back with force
furious home.
The guy kept there rubbing
your plants, and suddenly
the blonde back.
She walked up to the puffing
mailbox, opened it,
punched it and went home
stamping her foot.
A few minutes pass
sloppy appears when
again with the floor
impatient, opens the
mail, curse, beat box
and whining about it for
indoors.
The man, not bearing
and already very curious about the
situation, asks:
- Something wrong, neighbor?
Needing some help?
To which she replies
- All wrong! My Computer
stupid not stop saying that
have mail for me!
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