Join the new world

I've been thinking about conquering Australia. Obviously the Australians, relying entirely on Paul Hogan for their national defense, pose no threat. And I am a sporting man, I like to let the bird out of the cage before I shoot at it. But what if the bird is a penguin? A slow, dopey, Australian penguin? Is that fair?

No, in the interest of good sportsmanship, I propose a more difficult challenge. I propose the political takeover of Australia by New Zealand.

We have many advantages over the dingo-people. We are organized and focused. Our communication is secure, since the official language of Australia is pointing at stuff. Due to our separate ethnic heritage, any Australians who resist the PTO will be accused of xenophobia. We can claim that Australia is a member of an evil alliance, and that the native Australian government is itself a PTO.

But what if we don't take over the whole government, just half of it? How can we prevent the Australians from organizing, approving friendly citizenships, and working with ATO teams around the world to whip us in the next election?

This is where the charm offensive comes in. We need to befriend the community. We need them to see that we are 'nice guys'. And of course, we ARE nice guys. We are just playing a game. A game we can win if we play the victim in the midst of our conquest.

The most important point is to stifle active resistance by "working with" the government we are hijacking. Remember, so long as there is no organized resistance, TIME IS ON OUR SIDE.

But, should the Australians be wise enough to resist while they still can, we have a secret weapon...


Beer.


Non-Foster's Beer. Australians don't even have a word for the stuff.


Our Disguise