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For as long as we can remember, citizens have carried out warfare using a mere handgun alone, if not just their bare fists. The humble infantry has been at the forefront of all military conflict. However, that is all about to change. The latest research by worldwide defence contractor, Amply Destructive Munitions Incorporated of Madrid, suggests that warfare will never be the same again, with the coming public release of the blueprints for certain prototype weapons. These weapons are currently codenamed "Bug", "Headless Chicken" and "DDoS". As such, information is still classified, and much of the following specifications are derived from idle speculation.

Index
The “Bug”
The “Headless Chicken”
The “DDoS”
Strategic Implications

“Bug”

Selected models will also be shipped with a beautifully designed figurehead; either a 110mm or 120mm gun.

This tank promises to be an engineering marvel. Armed with a pair of heavy-duty polymer continuous tracks, it is capable of running over and mangling any common infantry, resulting in severe bruises, cuts and a terrible migraine. The regular infantry who is armed with a disposable wooden handgun will stand absolutely no chance against this beast. Unfortunately, so powerful are these tracks that they will almost always shatter after one use.

• The Bug’s composite armour (normally effective against wooden handguns) is vulnerable to sharp objects.

Selected Specifications:
Armour: Composite (primarily gelatine and rolled homogenous cardboard)
Armament: Dual polypropylene continuous tracks (caterpillar tracks)
Spee😛 Unknown (but faster than fleeing infantry)
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“Headless Chicken”

A prototype Helicopter spotted during a night field test, with Beak® extended

A helicopter. Inspired by the erratic movements of the infamous Erepublik Headless Chicken (Gallus gallus erepublikus), the Headless Chicken hovers above the ground and is immune to the advances of the Bug. At the same time, it is equipped with the Beak® aerial ram, which the pilot can then drive straight through the armour of an enemy tank, maiming the driver within. Following a field test, one researcher, code-named TSRV has commented that the stopping power is “absolutely awe-inspiring” and “more effective than stapling your fingers… twice!”. Pilots are however currently advised to eject from the cockpit as soon as possible to avoid the catastrophic structural failure that is a side effect of ramming into an enemy target.

• Due to the sheer weight of the aerial ram, this helicopter is able to keep off the ground and away from a tank’s tracks, but only to a maximum height of about 4 metres. Its speed is also only slightly faster than a tank, leaving it open to long range ground attacks.

Selected Specifications:
Armament: Beak®( a retractable aerial ram with a lead core and an iron tip. Approx. 3,000 kg)
Spee😛 Unknown (but faster than a speeding Tank)
Service Ceiling: 4.15 m
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“DDoS”

Obscene amounts of firepower packed away into the barrel of a big, fat cannon.

Artillery. This weapon has been designed specifically to lob explosive shells over large distances, all the while remaining far away from the enemy. While this was originally designed to strike at ground forces, the DDoS shells have a 99.9% chance of exploding in mid air and just slightly above its intended target. Furthermore, the shrapnel from these premature blasts always vaporise before reaching ground targets. Not to be put off by this odd miscalculation, brilliant weapons researchers decided to merely shift the focus of the DDoS towards combating slow, low-flying aerial objects such as a Headless Chicken or beachballs being used for volleyball. As the iron barrel of this artillery is slightly warped by the force needed to propel its shells, it is advised that people purchase spare units if they wish to sustain a bombardment for any amount of time.

• Due to the size of the DDoS, it is believed that it will be resistant to attack by tanks, as the tracks will not be able to roll over the ridiculously large barrel. However, it must be noted that the artillery offers its operator little defence from wooden handguns, and that DDoS operators are vulnerable to infantry.

Selected Specifications:
Type: Self-propelled artillery
Armament: 155 mm howitzer
Shell: 155 mm; high explosive
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Strategic Implications

The Daisy Chain! This diagram shows how the fielding of these new weapons will interact with one another.

What does this mean for future strategy? Well, it means that there may need to be a bit more to military strategy than just “strength in numbers”, and may feature more “David and Goliath” situations. However, if the effectiveness of weapons against each other is regular and linear, as the diagram suggests, military strategy might really just boil down to a game of chance where each side simply hopes they have the better hand when it's time to lay their cards down.
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Laurana "Psi"
11/02/2010
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