Super Stealth Zombie Ninja Death Squad 2.0! New Commander + Upgrades!

Day 635, 23:13 • Published in USA USA • by Jameson L. Tai

Since my last article about the Super Stealth Zombie Ninja Death Squad was revealed by this newspaper, I have been given the cold shoulder on the secrets of the military - even denied access to JCS as a three-star general in the eUS Army. The Blag has learned more regarding the SSZNDS that you'll find EXCLUSIVELY right here.

As the eUS lost one region after another, then commander of the SSZNDS, Joseph Schmo, decided it would be a brilliant idea to unleash the zombies and let them take over and ruin PEACE support. Well, he accidentally unleashed a pre-ninja batch in training... so a couple of Q6 Shotguns per zombie and PEACE was able to fend off some of the zombies, although the last time The Blag heard the zombies love the water, and have crossed the Rocky Mountains and heading for California. Perhaps the sunshine will give those zombies a nice tan and make them look less freaky.

Well obviously when JCS finally learned about the loss of the zombies, and was very angry with Joseph Schmo. Well he got transferred to the lowly marines... and then Joseph Schmo left for Israel, hoping the Israelis' "We're okay with you unleashing zombies" policy would save him.

So who cleaned up the mess? It was more of a team effort... as The Blag has found Eugene Harlot, Leroy Combs, and Tremaine scouring on the beaches of California to hunt down those zombies. So what exactly became of Eugene Harlot, Leroy Combs, and Tremaine after the zombie retrieval operation?


Joseph Schmo's departure left the SSZNDS without a commander, so secretly former Lieutenant General Tremaine took over the SSZNDS. His milforum mask was even changed to Army Soldier, but he still has access to Army Senior Officer forums!


The eUS Army once again denied all knowledge of SSZNDS and told me not to release anything until CPT Scott Coyle (our PR officer) may release an official message about it. I instead looked back at exactly why Tremaine got the job - turns out he's been involved with SSZNDS since the beginning!


So now everything finally makes sense, Tremaine's resignation was just yet another disguise in the eUS Army - just like Joseph Schmo's fake retirement. The Blag's additional research on secure eUS Army IRC channels revealed that the SSZNDS got an upgrade. The zombie ninjas now have improved training with improved fatality and increased discipline. One bite - and you can kiss your human form good bye.

With the recent restructuring of the Army and the upgrades the SSZNDS received, it is definitely now an indestructible force - hiding in disguise. Forget killer squirrels, who cares about rabbing rabbits, polar bear ambushes... BEWARE of the Super Stealth Zombie Ninja Death Squad 2.0!!!

To join this elite unit you must be a member of the eUS Army (then declared dead by top Army officials)... Take the first step! Join the eUS Army! http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?hl=en&formkey=cC1RejQwOFdZbTIzbDFMQmFhX2RaTGc6MA..