Join the new world

(Or, 'How I Learned the New Two-Click')

Have you read enough articles on how to survive v2 yet? Neither have I!

My goal with this is not to so much create a definitive guide that outlines maximum efficiency, but rather to create a basic framework that the two-clicking public at large can start with and adapt to their particular goals. And to do so in such a way that does not require gold to be sustainable. As the market hasn't entirely reached an equilibrium yet, some of this information may become out-dated and so this article will be kept updated.

Click images to enlarge (they're hilarious, promise).

So, let's get started!

First off, let's scope out my stats. It's not entirely obvious where to find this, so if you don't know just click on your name at the top of the sidebar on the left and you should find a pace that looks like this:



They are clearly astounding, as I have been here for an entire 90 days and only forgot to go to the hospital four times.

Yes, I'm level 20 and an apprentice Mechanic. This is because I have embraced the GLORY THAT IS DIO and do all I can to serve the S.E.E.S. SS Militia. You should be so lucky that you cast aside your occupation to serve the greater need of Emericka. So, this means you'll be granted the luxury of watching me study too. Aren't you just the lucky one? Let's do that now... To the Book Depository!

If you mouse over the 'My Places' tab at the top, you'll find a 'Library' link in the list. Otherwise, the scenic route is to go to Uptown and click on the pretty building that says Library.

Here you'll find Gina, who is for my money the hottest one. Unfortunately, unless you are retraining for a different field, close to a promotion or work for your own company or have the wisdom to have offered yourself in bondage to S.E.E.S., the library probably isn't for you. You don't get any direct benefit from it, except that you'll get that promotion faster and, passed the first few levels, 'faster' becomes a fairly relative term. This makes Gina a very lonely tutor.

Poor, poor Gina.


As you can see, I spent four hours with Gina studying Mechanics and, since I am a broke loser, I used the free 10% booster. This time with Gina has cost me 1 Health and (inexplicably) 4 Happiness. If you are drunk, stupid or just plain don't remember stuff, write this down.Gina appreciates my company and has shown her appreciation by awarding me 51.7 skill points in Engineering (It is worth noting that Studying the economist John Maynard Keynes theories, I could becomes an even better Mechanic). I am well on my way. Now, it's off to work. You can 'Company' find this in the 'My Places' tab or in the 'Uptown' button, which, like so much Jessica Alba, is quickly becoming pretty but irrelevant. Nice knowing you, Uptown. I won't refer to you further.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go!


And we've reached the operating site for S.E.E.S. Q3 Guns, the place where I selflessly toil in Dio's grace for the further greatness of our country. As you see here, I am paid .7 USD per hour for my efforts. Why haven't you joined yet? Today I will be working 8 hours and, again because I am broke, will be using the free booster.

My hard work has paid off. Emma has paid me 4.31, a King's ransom, and diverted a dollar twenty-nine to the government where it will be promptly be formed into an effigy of myself and burned. I am, however, unphased because I assembled 2 rifle stocks for my fellow militiamen. This has cost me, however, 3 health and (again, inexplicably) 8 happiness. Write this down, again, and your profits for the day. It's time to practice for killing pig-disgusting m*****f****ers.

Available for 'Passions' parties upon request.


You are already familiar with the ever-popular, sado-masochistic Lana. She has expanded her repertoire beyond simply spotting your weight lifting and will now teach you to use any of these tools of mass killing. I specialize in rotflcopters, however I also train with rifles since they are less expensive. I will devote another four hours to this and, once again, will use the free booster.

My result is 170.5 points towards my next level and this has again cost me 1 health and 4 happiness. Again, make a note of this and it's back home to my kin, I miss Alabammy once again and I think it's a sin. Also; Alabama and Lynyrd Skynyrd both suck. Make a note of this, as well.

Nice digs, no wonder you can't afford food.



I've forgotten this chicks name, but by now you're probably spent so what does it matter, right? This is your upscale suburban home, at which you must pay on a daily basis for the use of a bed but that comes with free gym membership for life... which, for whatever reason, makes you happy, but never improves your abilities in combat. I believe Admin must be implying we are all gay but we'll put aside the implications of that for the moment and relax with a nice, sweaty eight hours at the gym.

The result is that I have (inexplicably) gained 9 happiness from this. Mark this down and add up your totals. I have lost a total of 5 health and 7 happiness, however my house offsets 1.3 of each. This means I must make up 3.7 health and 5.7 happiness with food. It is, of course, not nearly this simple but we'll get into that in a moment.

Let's go shopping!


Now, it's important for us to keep in mine that neither my food nor house will improve my stats by the listed amount, since both my health and happiness are above 50. For this reason, I am shooting high and searching for food with an ingredient value of at least 50 and a packaging value of at least 70. As you can see, this translates into 5.0 health and 7.0 happiness replenishment.

And then, there was horror.


As you can see, the most inexpensive product that matches my minimum values is 7.84 USD. Though it well exceeds my needs, it is the least expensive that would and, if you took notes, this is well below the 4.31 USD I gained through employment. Though this food would cover my needs, I would be digging a hole of 3.53 USD per day I follow this regimen. I find this unacceptable and revise my search.

Now I know how it feels to be cutting my persiption drugs in half.


Finally, I settle on this one. It is just within my budget, leaving me an entire 18 cents to my name for the day, and will probably fill my health needs in full. However, it will also leave me with a deficit of more than 2.7 happiness for the day. Shopping makes me happy, however buying things rarely does and this is no exception.

I buy five and hope the market improves over that time, resolving to spend extra hours at the gym tomorrow and cut out some other precious part of my day, in order to fulfill my required gayness. This is all until my house reaches it's scheduled date of collapse in the next few months, when I must either become a vagrant or figure out how to afford a mortgage on 18 cents a day. I will likely choose to donate this trivial sum to the Dioists Children's Fund, which for only 15 cents a day can provide young Aisha with badly needed vaccinations or shoes for Ricardo. Because dead third world children produce very, very lousy iPods.

It's interesting to note that, while I will be sleeping on a park bench, dancing for and allowing over-privileged teenagers with skateboards pee on me for a dollar, I will still have my gym membership.

I thank you for reading this Special Edition of Freedom of Dissociation and hope you have found it informative. As I said, this is still very early and I will be updating it as we streamline the process. At current, it seems that the only way not to take a daily hit to happiness is to have the income to afford high quality food or housing, spend 12 hours a day at the gym or drop precious, precious gold on Leisure time boosters.

As an editorial note, I would like to see the admins allow us to rest for as long as we like. This would not have any impact on our over-all hours worked, but would allow us to take these small hits to happiness for a substantial period of time until we were at about 23 happiness loss, work an hour (to preserve Hard Worker gold) and relax the rest of the day.

But, in the mean time, please leave me some feedback so I can improve this system. I and my collegues at S.E.E.S. will be working on this and Dio will smile upon your input. If you have no comment, but enjoyed the article or found it useful please vote or, even better, sub.

Next Edition
Special Edition: eRepublik Rising (for Dummies) pt. 2
(or 'Nursing Care for College-age Babies')