So you think you can spoeg 'n bokdrol?

Day 1,908, 00:52 • Published in South Africa South Africa • by Luc Praetor


PRETORIA — Citing budgetary concerns, the eSA Presidency announced today that it would, in March 2013, discontinue regular Saturday Assegai strikes on battlefields where eUruguay soldiers are involved in actual battles. This decision comes short on the heels of the eCarte Blanche exposè revealing how the eUruguayan army has deliberately been taking dives on the battlefields of eSouth Africa, in exchange for much sought after eSA biltong.

In announcing the decision, Tuinhuis spokesperson Steven Bosch acknowledged that the cutback in Assegai strikes was "bound to be controversial." "In the Republik of eSouthAfrica, we’ve always prided ourselves on our ability to target eUruguay citizens with Assegai strikes, Monday through Saturday, regardless of the weather," he said. "We know that losing the Saturday Assegai strike service is going to take some getting used to."

Steven Bosch set the blame squarely on recent market developments which have impacted the global arms trade. "These cut-backs are necessary," lamented Bosch, "how else would we get to balance the February budget, and still manage to fund the annual So-you-think-you-can-spoeg-'n-bokdrol? competition?"

But the move to cut back on this Assegai strike service drew sharp criticism from a longtime defender of the program, the former, and now retired, eSA Country President Ines Schumacher. "Like most eSouth African citizens, I thought I’d never see the day when Assegai just up and take Saturdays off," she said. "This would never have happened if I were still CP, not that we had any beef with eUruguay, at the time."

As if to silence critics, spokesperson Bosch assured journalists that Assegai could "still get the job done" Monday through Friday, and reminded eSA citizens of the Republik to update the government on any known whereabouts of eUruguayan citizens, so that Assegai can perform surgical strikes during office hours.


No Mr. Kitties were harmed during the type-up of this article.
~ Another article consumed for eRepublik use