SHIELD and All Loyal Americans: CURB THE SERB!
Dateline May 27, 2013! The world is at war! The eUS has been sneak attacked and we will respond in kind! Our boys in black, the mighty agents of SHIELD struggle daily with the Balkan menace! There is nowhere they can hide; there is no front we will not engage until their blight is removed from the Earth! Hey, boys, sock ol’ Slobodan Milosevic once in the kisser for yours truly!
In the mess hall, Crash Thompson serves up hot Q7 grub daily! It sticks to the ribs so SHIELD can stick one to the ribs of Belgrade! Eat up, guys, those Serbs aren’t going to kill themselves (though God only knows why not)!
By my hammer, Crash makes the finest food this side of the Bifrost!
Back on the home front, The Federalists are holding an argon crystal drive to power those quantum laser turrets! Determined civilians are giving up the use of their Mr. Fusions to ensure the Greatest Generation overseas have enough fire power to blow those quisling Serbians a new borsht hole!
Marty McFury: I don’t understand, Doc. What happens in the future? Do we become jerks or something?
Doc SHIELD: Worse! The Serbs win a browser game if we don’t get this to the argon crystal scrap drive!
Marty McFury: That’s heavy! Let’s curb the Serb!
Move over, Rosie the Riveter! Molly Emma is running a weapons factory, supplying those agents of SHIELD with some prime fire power! Keep up the good work, Molly Manufacturer! Let’s turn Serbia into an even bigger slag heap!
Serving up Q7 knuckle sandwiches.
In Washington, presidential hopeful Paul Proteus vows to wipe Serbia off the map and push every last Serb into the sea! Other candidates are running on an appeasement platform by which we will make the Serbians sandwiches in hopes that they will bury the hatchet. I know that member of the Fourth Estate have an honor-bound duty for impartiality, but this one man’s opinion is that the choice is clear! Proteus for Poteus!
“I am pulling out of the race and voting Proteus for Poteus!”
So arm up, agents of SHIELD! We’ve got a space left on the helicarrier for anyone who wants to enlist! We will curb the Serb!
JOIN SHIELD TODAY!
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