SHIELD: eRep’s First MFU

Day 2,003, 05:39 • Published in USA USA • by Jakov Mikhailovich


How awesome is SHIELD, my friends? On a scale from 1-10, SHIELD is war-like Gilgamesh’s bare-knuckled fist to a dinosaur’s scrotum while riding on a rocket skateboard made out of God’s toenails and fueled by the cheers of Angelina Jolie back in the 90’s when you still wanted her. I don’t know how to numerically quantify that, but it probably has to be expressed in scientific notation. We’re not just a military unit, we’re an MFU. What makes it so awesome?

1.) Dem supply drawpz! – SHIELD is more liberal giving away weapons than Eric “Fast and Furious” Holder. Do you want to be more well-armed than a 12 year old African soldier? Kony ain’t got nothin’ on us! Tiacha is like the Destro of eRepublik (for the young’uns who don’t remember Cobra’s arms dealer, think Justin Hammer). Tiacha 2013. Well, you say, what about food? I once got supplied with so much QSe7en food in one day on eRep that Kevin Spacey murdered me for it and Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman found me face down in a bowl of cheerios. The Cookie Monster told me to slow it the $^%& down.


You see this Q7 weapon? I don’t even know what it does, but Tiacha gave me 200 of them.


2.) Work with the Megatanks – Have you heard of a little guy named Max McFarland? Josh Frost? Tiacha? These titans of the battlefield have chosen to throw in with SHIELD. Max McFarland does more damage sneezing than you did on 100% candy bar day. He got hay fever one time and liberated Macedonia. Josh Frost actually does damage in his sleep. He starts RWs in REM and wins them before he makes it to school without pants on. There are battles that Tiacha fought four days ago that are still rolling her damage totals on the ticker like a stock exchange except with dead Serbians. SHIELD is the MU the BAs choose. You know you’re going to be fighting for the winning side when you deploy with SHIELD.


You’ve got an army? We’ve got a Max McFarland.


3.) A Party MU, for the Kids – Are you new to eRepublik? There’s nothing better than a party MU to get you started. Party life, military life, and mentorship all in one tight package. We’ll get you to work in Crash or Tiacha’s slave mines… “communes” and you’ll be collecting your paycheck in the form of laser cannons from day 1. You can take your first breath in the new world, mewling and crying like a lost child, or you can suck in the bloody mists and laser-burned smoke of a successful battlefield campaign. Lock and load, newbies.


Can someone please show me how to use this thing? I seem to have killed myself.


4.) When You Look This Good… - Let’s face it, SHIELD has the best uniform in the game. If you want to get laughed out of the forums with an inferior avatar, then that’s your choice. The rest of the world is wearing granny panties and we’re sultry Cobie Smulders in spandex.

How do we know that we’ll be able to look this fine every single day? Because we’ll need you to.


We have the food. We have the weapons. We need soldiers.
Soldiers like Derphoof...
: "Over the target area now, Captain."

...and Paul Proteus.
: "This is the captain speaking. All personnel prepare for drop."

Soldiers like Jakov Mikhailovich and JFrost.
: "Come on you apes, you wanna live forever?!"

We need you all. Service guarantees a good time.

JOIN TODAY!