Running for Party President of AAP

Day 843, 12:38 • Published in USA USA • by Emerick

Let me preface this announcement with a little history of the AAP:

It all started as the Free Soil Party, if I recall correctly. They were founded in the spring of ’08 by a group of 13 year olds from Indiana who thought that anything from /b/ was the greatest thing ever. They were mostly cancer, but there were a few funny moments, like TheGoddamnBatman’s campaign video(I can't find the video ;-😉But mostly, they were just 13 year olds. Evan Bayh was the big name in the party, and he wanted to run for president, so what he did was he made a deal with Uncle Sam: if Uncle Sam could get the party into the top 5, then he’d let him(Uncle Sam) run for president. So Uncle Sam spent the better part of the month recruiting for the party, and eventually got them into the top 5. Of course, Evan didn’t let Sam run for president, and told him that he was running himself because of a glitch(;-; ). Sam, bless his heart, believed him, and looked forward to running the next month, which he did. Evan Bayh and the rest of the 13 year olds went back to junior high in the fall, so they disappeared. The party became Sam’s.

He failed the next month. If I recall correctly, he ran against Justinious McWallisburg III(it was his 3rd or 4th attempt) from UCP and Immunogenic, from the Libertarians. Sam vowed to be president one day, and eventually succeeded right after Justinious did, in February of ’09.

After that, the AAP lost the only purpose it had. It went through a series of party presidents, most of whom were fine people, but had no good direction for the party, or anyone. The kind of people who were attracted to the AAP seemed to be politico’s who had no real ideas, but liked acting like they did. As a matter of fact, I can’t think of a single good thing that’s come from the AAP besides Woxan.

During this time of nothingness, the AAP became allies with the USWP, which is like saying that Japan was Indonesia’s ally. I honestly know nothing about the backroom deals that were made, so this is nothing but conjecture, but come on. It is the AAP. Who could possibly show them respect? The USWP was the powerhouse, and AAP was just a dog along for the ride. A female dog.

There was a recruitment effort in the summer of ’09, right before The War, which landed a lot of AAP’s in congress during the war, and annoyed a lot of people. I was president at the time, and all I remember at the time was people bitching about AAPers. They were always noobs and always wanting to discuss the morals of everything. To be completely honest with you, I’d take a Green Party loser over an AAPer any day. That’s how worthless they are.

That’s p much it. From what I hear from the months I was gone, they fell flat on their faces and have zero ability to elect people, so that’s a positive thing.



CHANGE YOU CAN BELIEVE IN

So why would I want to be the leader of this pack of losers? It’s simple: because I want to take over their party and completely change it. First off, I’m going to change its name. I haven’t decided what I’ll name it yet- it might be Emerick is Great, it could be Rhane is a Hottie, or it may be SEES. Who knows, I’m willing to hear ideas. The important thing isn’t the name, it’s what we’ll do.

Now, I know that I was in the Libertarian Party for a year plus some, but my ideals don’t really mesh with theirs. I mainly stayed there out of force of habit and nostalgia. While I do in real life, I don’t fully believe in Libertarian ideals in eRepublik. For example, I believe in giving massive amounts of power to the government. Why? Because people on eRepublik are mostly too lazy to do things on their own. They need to be directed where to go, who to fight, how much to sell their gold for, ect, ect. And it’s all for the better, because the goal of eRepublik is to be the most powerful country in the game by any means necessary. Any. It’s not like irl, where it’s ok if you’re not the biggest shit in the bucket, because we’re all just people living out our lives. And it’s not as if there are many freedoms to infringe on. And it’s not as if people would really care if the government did decide that, for example, only 3 states get a hospital. There are no humanitarian efforts to care about in eRepublik, it's all about winning, which is why you need this, America. In fact, we’ve been steadily moving towards an Authoritarian government ever since v1 came out, and well, I’m just publicly recognizing it. Therefore, if I’m elected president of the AAP, I will form the first Authoritarian party in the American top 5. You’d better believe it.

And let's be honest here- there aren't a lot of differences between the parties right now. To be completely honest, the only difference is who's in them. When a noob comes to The Game, they expect better, and we need to deliver. But I'm not trying to create political diversity purely for the sake of it, an Authoritarian party is something that America needs. There is a large sect of people in this country who believe that, in eRepublik, the ultimate authority on our actions lies on the state. Right now, there are articles telling people to follow DoD orders. People have to spend their hard-earned gold to tell each other that they're screwing things up for us. This isn't right. People in eRep are too lazy to do what they want, so someone has to do it for them. That someone is the state; therefore, authoritarian is the way forward.

With the help of my spectacular party, only the intelligent will be elected, and those intelligent people can guide the nation forward. And when I say "intelligent," I don't mean "old." These two are not always equivalent, as evidenced by some of the people who are elected month after month into congress and contribute absolutely nothing. That will not happen in my new empire. Our candidates will have to pass through several levels of approvement and clear basic knowledge/aptitude questionnaires in order to be chosen as a candidate from this party. We do not vet the unworthy.


This is the Future

Sounds like fun, right? Not only fun, but like it’ll work, am I right? This is no joke, America. I’m no Ajay Bruno just screwing around because I'm just bored. This is no PTO, I am legitimately running for party president of the party with every intention to improve it. I mean, come on, AAP is and always has been the worst party in the US. For as much as I hate the USWP, I’d be a liar if I didn’t acknowledge its power. AAP is hundreds of members ahead of USWP, and they’re still god-awful. I’m going to take this party to places where no one has even dreamed of, except maybe Umbrella Research Company, but this is pure American. This party will be gay for America, like I know you are. So go ahead, if you want to, call on your daddies in USWP, AAP. Call me a PTOer if you’re afraid that I’ll legitimately win. I expect you to. If you do not, I'll be disappointed, honestly. People like you cannot exist without creating drama. I'm just a guy who's looking to improve the country by making a new party from a worthless one. Is that so wrong?

No. Not at all.

Authoritarian, America. You know you want it.
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