Roachford4CP: The Manifest
Day 3,574, 10:43
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Published in United Kingdom 
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by
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by Daddy Underpants
Alright eUK, it's time to reveal my plan for you this term, and we will start off by introducing the people who will make it happen.
THE CABINET
You all know them, so it's a waste of time explaining who they are. I'll do it anyway as it will be a great exercise for working as CP in case I get elected, though.
Ministry of Defense
CptChazbeard.: Chaz is a pretty good MoD and despite the occasional troll proposals, I believe overall he will have a positive effect in the government.
Fataliix: Back in the day Fata was a pretty good MoD, and since I need good MoDs, I asked Fata to be my MoD. He's totally active, he just doesn't post much. No, really.
Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Mittekemuis: The current CP of eUK. She will
Mad Pauly: Pauly has a lot of experience in gov positions. Currently he is watching holiday pictures on Orion chat. I asked him to be MoFA so that he can continue doing that so I don't have to.
Ministry of Finance
Huey George: this one seems particularly needless to justify, but Huey is the undisputed back-to-back winner of MoF title for years now, because he provides detailed finance predictions like no other.
Ministry of Education/Home Affairs(?)
(I honestly forgot what the current name for this ministry is, or if they're two different ones or something, but basically people in this ministry will teach you things)
Rob the Bruce: Rob will be all about important knowledge in life, teaching you things like philosophy or cooking an egg or smth, I dunno, he didn't specify.
Certacito: Certacito will use the role as an opportunity to introduce you to a few tools for eRepublik that he uses. Since this isn't information we already know, this quite possibly makes Certacito the most useful agent of this ministry in years.
THE POLICIES
If elected as CP, I will try to improve the state of eUK and bring us back to relevance. I aim to achieve this through the following policies:
* Revitilazation. eUK is suffering from lack of new blood and this is obviously stagnating both our military and political departments. If elected, me and my cabinet will put in effort into more interaction with eUK's newcomers in an attempt to get them invested into the game before they decide to quit it for good.
* Unification. Our country is fractured due to very different ideas on how to play the game, as shown abundantly clear to me by recent events. This weakens us and if we want to be a relevant country on world stage again, we have to at least alleviate this issue. I don't expect to eliminate the differences between different parties. I do believe that by establishing a dialog between party figureheads we can agree on what is accepted and what crosses the line, making our differences manageable and allowing us to move forward.
* National MU. Yes, this has been tried in the past multiple times with little to no success. However, UK has gotten even weaker since the last attempt and I think the situation has changed enough to convince players that their old MUs are no longer in the UK's best interests. I believe this time we can implement a single national MU with success.
Reaction of Roachford's voter base to the proposed policies.
Just kidding, fam.
THE REAL POLICIES
I guess I have to do something during my term, so here's a (small) list of things and hopefully I'll be able to pull off at least one of them:
1. Fill the energy meter of the AS.
Mitte is already working on this, but given the short amount of time remaining until the end of term, I am not 100% certain she will be able to fill the bar. I believe having a full bar is good because, as Mitte stated, even if we don't use it now, we can save it for an AS in the future if we ever need it. Since it's a slow process, it'll be good to have it prepared in advance. Plus, maybe having an AS ready will make CPs more trigger happy in declaring wars? Probably not, but we can dream, right. On the other hand, if Mitte does fill the bar I guess that leaves me only one thing to do, since only one of tasks 2 and 3 can be accomplished. Those are...
2. Start a TW.
No, wait, listen! It will be special kind of TW! We even have options!
2.1) TW around the World.
I can't take credit for this one because I didn't come up with it (and because it will be easier to wash my hands off of this if we try it and it fails). Wayne has been lobbying for a TW around the World training war for a bit and while I'm still not exactly sure how it should work, I was assured it will bring fun back to the game, unite UK and end world hunger. The first 2 options seem very unlikely but I believe in the 3rd, so it's worth a try if we don't have anything else to do.
2.2) Roachford™ TW.
This is a more "gloves off" version of a TW and will be my main focus for the term. How this works: we find a willing country to participate, set a deadline for the TW end, and then slug it out. No regions are off limits. This means they can attack us wherever they want and hold as many regions as they are capable. Wiping us is permitted, in which case we try to organize the RWs or suffer loss of access to our companies until the deadline. Cooperation with allies is allowed and encouraged, but is limited to damage support only. The allies are not allowed to invade or be invaded themselves. After the deadline, all regions are let go, with no new conditions added.
3. Start an Actual War
Mitte suggested a couple of countries that would be an option for a real war, and if it starts looking like Roachford™ TW might not come to realization, this option will be my next top priority. Lets be honest, though: UK is relatively weak, lacks coordination when hitting in battles, and on top of all that we had little practice in the last year or so. Us going into a war will be like an obese man trying to run a marathon: it won't be successful and it will end in tears. So prepare to get invaded if we go this route.
FAQ
What is a FAQ?
The abreviation FAQ stands for Frequently Askeed Questions, but if pronounced out loud without stopping at every individual letter, this abreviation also sounds like an answer I want to give to every single question!
How can they be Frequently Asked Questions if no one asked them yet?
Let's try it, repeat after me: FA-Q.
Why bother with Roachford™ TW? Why not organise a regular TW or just go into a real war?
Regular TWs are good for farming medals but don't have any entertainment value. Real wars do, but they end up being boring after we are wiped for indefinite amount of time because that's how all our wars end. Roachford™ TW adds excitement to the TW because it has real consequences, but unlike a real war, we know that if it is going bad, it will not stay that way indefinitely.
Will Roachford™ TW battles take place on our lands, the other country's lands, or both simultaneously?
Ideally both participating countries will be allowed to invade each other, but as we might lack interested countries, we might need to sweeten the deal by putting UK being on the defensive side (meaning battles will happen on our lands). It's ok guys, just don't suck at fighting and we won't get wiped!
Is a wipe 100% guaranteed by Roachford™ TW?
Unlike what most things I said imply, it is not. We will try to find a country that is evenly matched with us and hopefully you guys won't just lay down and take it, which should result in an interesting back-and-forth war.
Why do we have to have wars on our territory at all? I couldn't work my companies 7 times a week for a whole month during the last one!
It's because we don't have a lot of options for wars in general, so we have to make do with what we can. Personally, I am very doubtful that we will be able to find a country which we will be able to occupy, so that leaves us with wars which can very possibly end up with us losing territory. Avoiding wars altogether will make for a boring game for many players, however, and since for the majority of the year we are able to farm our companies without a hitch, occupation of those regions on a rare occasions seems to be more than fair.
How long will Roachford™ TW last?
I had 2 weeks in mind, but that's just because it seemed like a good number. The length is up for negotiation.
If we get wiped in Roachford™ TW, can we end the war before the deadline?
No. I believe knowing there is no instant way out of it will add to excitement and will make for more effective fighting in battles.
Won't you please think of the children?!
I assure you, I do this in the best interest of eUK players.
You can't force a Roachford™/TW/real war on us! You will ruin the country!
That's not a question. Also, Wingfield is running on a completely different platform and although he does mention war, he promises it will be on foreign lands. He is realistic alternative candidate to me for Country President position so if you don't like my campaign, vote for him. If I do get elected, however, me dragging your ass into war is upholding the principals of democracy.
Alright guys, let's do this! Lets make #Unicornman4CP happen!
Still think this looks gay, Pauly?
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Comments
An excellent read and well thought out manifest.
I said this for wingfield however it goes for you too. You'll make a great CP for the UK if your campaign is a success \o/
Thanks, Huey o7
o7
v +s
Good luck, you'll probably have the my vote and a few other ones I'll log in that day o7
Besides the generally useless positions of MoHA/Ed (don't mind the guys selected, just the positions) everyone else seems OK.
My MoEd post is a troll position, I intend to teach absolutely no useful in
game things.
dunno what certacito's doin tbph
And even the National MU could work if you approach it properly, not like last time "There are talks regarding the creation of the National MU", I ask my commander and captains about it, they have no idea about any talks...
Just to be clear, the policies under "The Policies" section are meant to be taken as satire and I will not be implementing them. The real policies which will be attempted are in "The Real Policies" section.
Maybe I should have read the entire article 😃
Fair enough. Was just concerned I didn't make it clear enough.
And I'm still against any TWs, but this around the world thing sounds interesting...
What's your take on Roachford™ TW doe?
If there would be a vote to chose I would vote for that one. I wanted something like that when Hrambe was CP, but no one listened :/
But just saying the around the world is interesting...
Imagine if you lost to wingfield, haha! xD
No need to message forig VIPs for eternity to try and arrange shit that no one likely will be happy with and instead just sit back and enjoy the banter? Sounds p sweet tbh.
You have my axe.
Thanks, but I have my own deodorant
Still voting zaphod
Thank goodness for that
Oh don't worry cert, I'm still gonna be balls deep inside roachfords cabinet. he's just smart enough to not name me in his article 😉
Can't blame you, I'm considering voting for him myself, tbh, he has a p sweet manifest.
Hey! Around the world was my idea! Wanted to start in Russia too...
Goodluck Roachford! Fun plotting and not getting your head chopped off, that is what I will be doing this month 😃
It was your idea and the best idea you had all term. You really should have gone with that instead of an AS.
ASing halfway across the world isn't really in the spirit of things. Speak with Norway, get access to Russia and keep pushing East. All the while talking and trying to convince the next country to let us pass unhindered. I thought and still think it's a great idea mitte.
My only reservation with this was not my ability to convince countries to comply but the UK not doing what it has to do and that it would turn out in a big joke. I have been brooding about this for a long time, too long...
Maybe if we invite a few strong tanks to join the country and put them all in the national MU and march on it would be able to work but with the fire power we have in our own country I don't see it.
I think with the right marketing other countries would be well up for giving us a hand. We've flown under the radar for a while and not stepped on toes, so with the right words in the right ears I think gaining access wouldn't be a problem.
I think you underestimate eUK, when given clear instructions with a well thought out reason behind the instructions our guys can do most things. Last term they were awesome and complied with everything we asked of em.
The beauty of it is that it's such an impossible act that the likelihood of us getting all the way is slim. As I said to roachford in PMs, it's just a bit of fun. If we fail at the first hurdle, St least we failed doing something different
I didn't know that. Since you will be in my cabinet, it seems it will be hard to wash my hands off of the idea when they inevitably come for my head 😛
Bloody hell, it's almost 6am on a Sunday morning and my eyes are assaulted by something I dare not even describe! Way too much pink for such a stupidly early time...
Pretty good looking cabinet (in that there's no obvious commies in there, or anyone with whom I particularly don't get on). Still no idea why we bother with MoEd/MoHA nowadays, but hey. Happy to continue looking at people's holiday pictures in the Onion Alliance chat. The Roachford™ TW might actually work if we can choose someone like, I dunno, Georgia or Singapore to wipe. I'd suggest Finland, but that is only likely to end in complete disaster... 😉
Still, TL😉R 8/10 needs more cats.
So now it's just too pink instead of too pink and gay. Progress!
Regarding MoEd/MoHA, I originally planned to skip this ministry, but then Rob proposed to actively write troll articles and I figured it'd be good for entertainment. Certacito also said he had a few tools he'd like to write about, and since it seemed he actually had some sort of idea of what he wanted to do, I included him as well. I think this term we just may have some use for it. Ordinarily, though, I'd agree with you: for a long time now people have done nothing with it and there would be no loss in skipping it most of the time.
Regarding Roachford™ TW, even if it ends in a disaster, it will be temporary. That's the beauty of it!
...until some country wipes us and then decides not to leave, but that's a different concern.
Yup, even if we get conquered in that TW, firstly there are is TP in direct battles, after that RH, TP and FF in the RWs...plus The occasional BH.
And we can actually try our best to beat the other country for some honour.
That is actually a real TW, two countries fight it out, the better one wins, the end. Not this instructed TWs, "You attack there first, then you move there, bla bla bla..."
Fata4CP
Hey now, I send Dave Trenga a message once per month.
Unicornman4cp!