President Gone Rogue! And Not In A Good Way!

Day 1,147, 14:11 • Published in Canada Canada • by HobbesMkii

Issue 2

“Never again will I miss an issue of this paper. It's like The Fieldist, but Canadian” – The Fieldist Editor-in-Chief SamWystan


This Issue of The Fieldest Canada brought to you by the good people at the Military Dictatorship Party. Because if it's not a Military Dictatorship, it's not a Party!



President Lewis Surprises Nation With “Project Mayhem”
In what has become a shocking turn of events, recently elected President Wes Lewis has turned the nation on its head with what he has termed “Project Mayhem.” The details of Project Mayhem are sketchy, but it would appear that the President has gone rogue, allegedly pilfering 2,800 gold from National Organization, and proposing legislation to change the Welcome Message that citizens of Canada receive to “This truly is Mayhem ........ Project Mayhem” and to declare Canada's neighbor to the south (the almost deer-free United States) as its Natural Enemy. Adding insult to injury, the President also quoted Dr. Suess in a shout.


A picture of Wes Lewis' inspiration, Dr. Suess (not a real doctor).

While the proposed legislation is not expected to pass, a proposed legislative move to impeach the President, proposed by Congressman Rolo Tahmasee, who has been embroiled in his own issues with embezzlement from the government that recently caused the sixth-party Military Dictatorship Party to break ties with the Norsefire Party, has not gained the traction expected, with Congressmen holding off on voting until they have a clearer picture of the situation or, in five cases, actually voting against impeachment (in The Fieldest Canada's opinion, a shame).

Response has been varied, but largely in opposition. A number of prominent Canadian politicians have been playing the “I told you so” card. Others suspect that Congressman Tahmasee and President Lewis are in cahoots, and have called for both their heads. Others suggested the possibility the President was simply the victim of identify theft, but this was vehemently denied by a number of Canadians. Still, one brave Canadian was not afraid to support the President, regardless of how the facts bore the case:

“It's all part of the President's cunning plan,” the man suggested. “He's got to have one. Otherwise, wouldn't we all be idiots for voting him in? So, I have faith in the President.” Unfortunately, The Fieldest Canada was unable to find out the man's name before he was beaten to death with shovels by his neighbors.


President Lewis, shown here pointing to where Canadians can “voice their complaints” about his administration

Project Mayhem has two other major implications. Firstly, the Natural Enemy legislation, while not expect to pass, has put the US Military on high alert and has politicians there scrambling to respond, such as US Libertarian Party member CRoy who announced that Canada could “Bring It On,” and dashing any hopes of Canada joining the proposed PANAM alliance in the immediate future. Secondly, should President Lewis be impeached, the order of succession will pass to Aeriala, an Ontario Congressman and runner-up in the election that installed President Lewis, and member of the Ministry of Opportunity Party.

Follow the votes here, as they happen:
+New Citizen Message
+US Natural Enemy
+Impeachment

President Urges Citizenry to be More Social; Raise Population

Prior to his alleged larceny, President Lewis had suggested yesterday that the citizens of Canada create a baby boom by being more social with other people. President Lewis, who has offered past suggestions for increasing Canada's population, including lowering income taxes across the board to foster immigration. Now, however, the President is suggesting that citizens talk with their fellow human beings in order to promote an increase of births in Canada.


Perhaps over a glass of wine while whispering sweet nothings into her ear?

The policy is partially a continuation of ideas suggested by previous President TemujinBC for raising the birth rate of Canada. While initial reaction seemed positive, there is no word on what the backlash will be, now that President Lewis has thrown the country into turmoil.

Canadian Military Bucks Presidential Control, Vows to Protect Country

Congressman Jsboutin announced via his newspaper Le Soldat that, following President Lewis' theft, the Canadian Armed Forces would maintain its strength, as the Congressman had put aside gold out of reach of the President during TemujinBC's term for just such an occasion. The Canadian Armed Forces will maintain its funding, and will even offer funding to The Crimson Order (a branch of which compromises Canada's premier militia: the Crimson Canucks), although such funding shall be reduced. It should be noted that the President is, for the current moment, a member of The Crimson Order (full disclosure: so is this paper's editor-in-chief). The decision to maintain funding to the TCO comes despite some Canadians demanding that funding to the militia be cut as punishment for having Lewis as a member. Word from within the TCO is that punitive action against Wes Lewis may be forthcoming.


Canadian Troops, seen here maintaining vigilance



Croatian-Language Newspaper Ranked 2rd in Canada

Despite being a nation of Anglo-Francophones, Croatian-language newspaper Bombaj Stampa reached second on Canada's most read ranking. with over 80 votes at the time of The Fieldest Canada went to press. Bombaj Stampa, a creation of Canadian Citizen Semper5, is aimed at the nation of Croatia, but Semper5's citizenship prevents him from publishing in that country. Canadian citizens were confused by the presence of unfamiliar words and strange accent marks over letters.

The Business Section Girl

Let's be real. Business is boring. There's numbers, and corporations, and complicated acronyms like “CEO” and the whole thing is just a complete mess. And sex sells. Sexy women sell the most. We at The Fieldest Canada have seen that in many another newspaper. We're not above printing photos of sexy women in our paper. And the Business section needs it the most. So, without further ado, the Business Section Girl:


Model Name: Candy
Candy's Thoughts on Politics: "It's a strange set of affairs, but it seems to me what Canada needs most of all is a stable government that gets the job done. Lots of administrations prey on unrealistic expectations of voters, including ridiculous targets for population expansion. They should aim their sights lower and push for a source of constant growth. Also, less crooks in public office would be a good idea. I personally swing between the Canadian Progressives and the sixth-parties."
Favorite Place to Do It: "By 'It' I assume you mean writing my many published essays on geo-politics, which are read the world over by many a influential people and won me a Nobel Peace Prize. I generally do it on a bed of rose petals with a box of dark chocolates and a bottle of wine."


What the Heck?! I Just Got Here!

What the heck folks? I just got here. I barely had time to make a newspaper that launched into the National Top 5 in its VERY FIRST ISSUE (you betcha I'm braggin'). But now with Wes Lewis' rogue Presidency, I don't know where we stand. I just don't know. Read The Fieldest Canada however. You'll be glad you did that. 'Cause we're stable.


The Editor-in-Chief reacts to the news regarding the President.

STAFF
Editor-in-Chief: HobbesMkii

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