Poland and Britain Invade Belgium For Waffles!

Day 1,134, 21:39 • Published in USA USA • by SamWystan

Issue 23
"This made me laugh so hard I fell out of my seat and hit my head on my desk." ~Trent Lawrence, Great American


PANAM White Paper Released By Sossu
by SamWystan, Editor-in-Chief

Writing in The Front Line Journal, one Sossu released a major analysis of the new PANAM alliance recommending that it not sink into the traps of the old alliances, and saying that the world was hastening towards a multipolar world, a point undercut by his insistence that EDEN was bound to collapse. Mr. Sossu advised PANAM not to have "too weak members". PANAM should, instead, go out of its way to piss off all smaller countries, that way, if any have long-term booms, there will be an old relationship of being angry at PANAM.


(I have a paper I'd like you to read!)

Mr. Sossu also discussed the necessity not to be world police, a point which is notable for its blatant lack of reality, which Mr. Sossu acknowleged by immediately discussing the ways EDEN and Phoenix antagonize each other. And we all know, police are always going around, picking fights. Many people expect Mr. Sossu's paper to go far in diplomacy circles. Mr. Sossu is known in his previous article to have advocated date rape.


Poles To Invade Belgium To Invade France, Brits to Invade Belgium "Just 'Cause"
by Quintessential, Staff Writer

Poland has recently declared war on Belgium and openly claimed that they were going to take Wallonia as a staging point for wars with France. Poland assumes that the Belgians wouldn't notice as they were locked in their houses eating chocolates. However, a few Belgian 'chocolateless' souls have ventured outdoors to pick up the morning paper and read about the imminent strike on their homeland. "It's like kicking a baby," one Belgian mentioned (in between bites of Godiva),"It's extremely easy to do, but morally horrendous." 


(No one kicks baby in a corner; because doing so would be a crime)

Also a threat to the non-threatening nation, UK has threatened to attack Belgium in multiple articles by citizens and populists alike. One English supporter of the attack invited me over for tea and crumpets and gave me his opinion of the attack, "Well, I, for one, like to kick babies - it's a thing I have." He did go on to give us reasons for the attack but his lack of pronunciation in his r's made it difficult to keep listening.


Socialist Freedom Party: Should They Be Crucified?
by SamWystan, Editor-in-Chief

I stopped in a strange church the other day to find Samuel Seabury, a man whom I share a first name with, giving a very long sermon on Christmastime and how Joseph fled ahead of the law to evade taxes. Later he tied that to the situation of the Socialist Freedom Party. It all seemed convoluted and complicated to me.

I always knew that Jesus was a tax evader (it's the crime he was crucified for), but likewise Mr. Seabury pushed the idea of the SFP being very much like Jesus, and that people would see the light eventually.


(They're a lot like Chavez!)

Therefore, I propose that the United States assists the SFP in the fulfillment of that goal. Since Mr. Seabury believes his party emulates that Nazarene carpenter, the United States should play the part of Rome and Pontius Pilate, and crucify them.

And that's what I think of Jesus comparisons.

THE FIELDIST ANNOUNCEMENTS

Staff
SamWystan: Editor-In-Chief
Quintessential: Business Editor, Staff Writer
HobbitTon: Contributing Writer
-Join The Fieldist. Join Quality American Journalism.

Want instant notification the minute a new Fieldist hits the shelf? Friend SamWystan, and get the exclusive Fieldist shouts!

The best quote on The Fieldist will be used for the next issue.

SAM'S CORNER

Wystan's Raiders: We Rock


Join the Libertarian Writers' Guild, be among the best in American Journalism, click the bar!