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Well, after horsing around on Google for hours I came to an amusing conclusion... concerning Europe's newest fascination - horse meat.



♪ Look at my horse, my horse is amazing! ♪
♪ Give it a lick *bluh* It tastes just like Findus! ♪

For example, Tesco's new offer 'Only Fuel and Horses' selling burgers with any petrol, diesel or gas (this offer doesn't actually exist, but if you don't believe me find the store manager at your local Tesco and inquire about it).



And then there's IKEA, I mean seriously!
Have you seen these tweets?

Prince Charles ‏@Charles_HRH: IKEA have found horse meat in their Swedish meatballs. One would've been more shocked if they found wood in their furniture.
Patrick Strudwick ‏@PatrickStru😛 In reaction to the horse meat found in their meatballs IKEA have decided to sell the raw ingredients in a pack for you to assemble yourself.
Ian Hyland ‏@HylandIan: Horse meat has been found in IKEA meatballs. Now we know why their hot dogs are so long. And chewy.
Matt Spence ‏@mattspencedc: So thaaaat's how they make it so cheap. Horse d'oeuvres? (Sorry!)
Michael Hogan ‏@michaelhogan: Horsemeat discovered in IKEA meatballs. If you buy enough of them, you can self-assemble a horse
50 Shades Of Graham ‏@grahamlstacey Horsemeat found in #IKEA meatballs. There's got to be a flat-pick gag in this, but I've no idea how to put it together...
Jim Lokay WCVB ‏@LokayWCVB: Will IKEA shoppers be pleased to hear what was discovered in some of their famous Swedish meatballs? Nay.
James Lyons ‏@MirrorJames: IKEA latest - flooring found to have Laminate
Stevie Bowerman ‏@steviebowerman: I'm so hungry, I could eat a self-assembly clothes horse! #IKEA
Fraser Campbell ‏@FraserC69: Stunned to find IKEA have horse meat in their meatballs. Assumed they were made from couples who had become irretrievably lost in the store.
Tom Darnell ‏@tomdarns: #IKEA announce the name of their new product range for summer 2013: Nägg



Let the inevitable jokes begin!!

I went to a Tesco café yesterday and ordered a burger. They asked me if I
wanted anything on it, and I sai😛 'Yes - a fiver each way.'


Does anyone have a tooth pick? I had a Tesco burger last night and there's
still a bit between my teeth.

My daughter has always wanted a pony, so I'm buying her a Tesco Quarter
Pounder for her birthday.


I've got some Tesco burgers in the fridge. But... THEY'RE OFFFFFFFFF!

My doctor told me to watch what I eat, so I went out and bought tickets for
the Grand National.

If you think horse meat's bad, wait until you try Tesco's veggie burgers.
They're made of genuine uniQuorn.

Scientist: 'Sir, we've discovered horse meat in your burgers.'
Tesco boss: 'Why the long face?'

I won't eat Tesco burgers. They may be low in fat, but they have a very
high Shergar content.

Tesco are giving treble points on your Clubcard for all burgers and petrol, starting today. The deal's called Only Fuel and Horses.

What do you call a burnt Tesco burger? Black Beauty.

A motorist gets pulled over by a police officer, who asks him to blow into
a breathalyser. The machine beeps. 'I'm sorry Sir,' says the officer.
'You're over the limit. Can you tell me what you have had tonight?'
'Nothing Officer,' replies the man. 'Just a burger from Tesco.' 'That
explains it,' says the policeman. 'I knew I could smell Red Rum.'

They've found horse meat in Tesco burgers? It's an unbridled disaster.

A Tesco burger walks into a bar. 'A pint please.'
I can't hear you,' says the barman.
'Sorry' replies the burger. 'I'm a little bit horse.'

I selected some burgers on the Tesco website. And then clicked 'Add to
cart.'

Those Tesco horse burgers were nice, but I prefer My LIDL Pony.

A woman has been taken to hospital after eating Tesco burgers. Her
condition is said to be stable.

I used to work on the Tesco meat counter, but it was like flogging a dead
horse.

Last night I ate a Tesco burger, an Iceland burger and an ALDI burger to
find out which had the best taste. Tesco won by a short head.

I think someone may be sending me death threats. I woke up this morning
with a Tesco burger in my bed.

Have you heard? Now traces of zebra have been found in Tesco barcodes.



I bought an 'award-winning' Tesco burger. I didn't realise they meant it
had won the Cheltenham Gold Cup.

I used to work for Tesco, but I was fired. I got an email about a delivery
of horse meat and I marked it as spam.

Horse meat in Tesco burgers? What are the odds on that?

I tried to take some burgers back to Tesco but they said they wouldn't
accept them. Looks like I'm saddled with them.

Husban😛 'I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.'
Wife: 'Why don't you go to Tesco?'

Personally, I think people who don't like eating horse meat are being a bit
blinkered.

Despite the recent news, Tesco says that their beef burger sales remain
stable.

Are you in favour of horse meat in your burgers? Yay or Neigh?

I won't be switching to Tesco Finest burgers. They're so expensive that
buying enough for a big family dinner won't leave you much change from a
pony.

I was going to give up fast food for January, but I fell at the final
hurdle and had a Tesco burger.

Just been to Tesco and bought a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of Lamb's and
some burgers. So that's white rum, navy rum and Red Rum.

Unused HMV vouchers are now being accepted at Tesco. Just tell them HMV
means 'Horse Meat Voucher'.

Despite the recent scandal, Tesco insist they use only meat of the highest
quality. A spokesman sai😛 'Our meat has to clear several hurdles before it
goes on sale.' And the most groan-inducing... What's in this burger? It
just jumped over my chips. I don't know why there's a fuss all of a sudden.
There's been horse meat in Tesco burgers for donkey's years.

I like my burgers with a side saddle and neigh-onnaise.

I hope Tesco were selling those burgers at hoof price.

So there's horse meat in Tesco's burgers. Don't worry, it's not the mane
ingredient.

Forget the Everyday Value burgers - I only eat those mini-burgers you have
as snacks. You know, the horse d'oeuvres.

I bought some Tesco burgers - I wanted to get venison ones, but they were
dead dear.

I ordered a Tesco burger the other day - but asked them to hold the
dressage.

Tesco would've got away with it if it wasn't for the DN-Neigh test.






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