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Paul Proteus: Vampire Hunter

Day 1,434, 14:38 • Published in USA USA

• by Paul Proteus

Paul Proteus: Vampire Hunter

I was going to write an article of why I should be in congress, but wrote this instead

Welcome to a new Campaign issue of Goodbye Blue Monday!

^Click for Mandatory Listening

Quote of the Week:
“GTFO” –Pizza

So back to what I was saying:

Paul Proteus: Vampire Hunter

I am going to great lengths to tell you this. My life is at danger but I will not stop, nay can not stop until I have stopped them all. It all started not too long ago, when the notorious PigInZen was bitten by a strange bat while mastering his psychic abilities in Transylvania.

terrifying indeed

I have since been tracking him, trying to stop him from infecting the world, or worst, the eUS! Unfortunately you bumbling fools elected him into congress again last month. Now who knows how many once formidable eMerikans are now nothing more then vampire slime. Gnilraps already looked like a vampire or a zombie or something before this. With our government at risk, the whole free world is at risk of a Vampire PTO of massive proportions and their is only one solution...me!

Anyway now there is only one solution, elect me to congress in New Hampshire so I can keep doing my job hunting ~~medals~~ vampires!

The worst of them all!

So, tl;dr: Elect me in New Hampshire, running under the AMP
Which by the way feels dirty 🙁 Leaving the Libs even for a second to run for congress is sad