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Over the past month there has been a name that when mentioned brings about a mixed reaction amongst eAustralians. To some he is a man who selflessly has taken the time to help guide many newcomers to eAustralia. To others he is a man who is selfishly using these young pups as a way to satisfy his political ambitions.

This man is Paul Hamon: a man who has gained the criticism of many politicians in eAustralia for not revealing his “true intentions”. There are many articles in many newspapers begging Mr. Hamon to tell us what he truly wants to do for eAustralia. There are even more bashing him for everything he has done; from gaining a seat in the eAustralian congress to ordering a greasy, fatty bucket of eKFC.

All newspapers are good at pointing fingers and telling people off, but have any of their journalists done their research? None of these newspapers have… until now.

When the fuss with Paul Hamon’s Populate and Procreate Party (PaPP) started up, we at the Word Down Under decided to send in an investigator. His goal: to find out what was really going on inside this political group. My reporter returned to us days ago and he was extremely disturbed. We sent him to the best ePsychologists this country has to provide but unfortunately they had to euthanise the poor, troubled soul.

I feel so guilty for having sent this young, aspiring reporter into this investigation. I should have done this myself, but I’m not going to leave my newspaper in the hands of idiots! Let my young reporter’s brave sacrifice not go unacknowledged eAustralia for he has discovered what really goes on in the PaPP and just who Paul Hamon really is!



It began when Paul Hamon welcomed my young reporter into the PaPP HQ. He was greeted by many members of the PaPP as well all whom he described as being “overly happy and joyous”. Hamon took my reporter to his office and talked about many things, including how he can help him improve and be a better member of the eAustralian community. My reporter thought Mr. Hamon was very informative and he did learn some very useful techniques.

The reporter was shown to his room and was given a schedule to follow. At first he found it very bizarre but read what he had to do. It included things such as when breakfast, lunch and dinner would be served and when certain activities would be done. It was a very relaxed schedule too so my reporter thought everything didn’t seem so bad.

After being shown his room, the reporter was taken to his workstation. The PaPP produces many things from food, housing and weapons. The reporter was assigned to the PaPP’s food company where he worked for many hours straight in “poor conditions”. Working so very hard in poor conditions would see one rewarded with something grand right?

WRONG!!!

The poor fellow found out that he would not be getting paid for his service and that he was contributing to the PaPP. He said one of the supervisors told him “You provide for the PaPP and so shall the PaPP provide for you.” He was annoyed and stated that it wasn’t fair which gained him many frowns from the supervisors and workers present. What happened next was terrible.

Outraged that a new person would dare speak out against what Paul Hamon has established, the reporter was dragged off into a room underneath the HQ and thrown into a pool of icy water! The reporter told us it was horrible and he almost died from the shock. Whenever he swam to the edges the leaders would kick his head underneath the freezing blue. After fifteen minutes they let him out and provided him a blanket and some warm hot chocolate.

The reporter was taken to Paul Hamon, who told him that what they did to him was “for his own good”. Hamon forgave the reporter for his “rude comment” but told him it was not too late for him to “repent for the wicked words spoken against the PaPP.” He said this will make him “a stronger member of eAustralia” and there is no need to thank him – all he asked was to work twice as hard on his next shift.



It was at this point that I put the report down. I couldn’t bare to read this terrible experience anymore. Could Paul Hamon truly be this type of person? I didn’t want to believe it, but it must be true! I remember seeing the look on my reporter’s face when he came back from his assignment. He was destroyed! He wasn’t the same young, happy man he was before! I had to keep reading and I had to tell you, eAustralia, what is really going on behind the scenes of the PaPP.

After warming up the reporter had some lunch that was nothing more but a green, mashed up substance. It was described as smelling like rotten meat and taste that was a combination of goat’s intestines, human placenta and an old egg that contained the maggoty remains of a developing bird. The reporter didn’t want to eat this vile stuff but he was forced to by the leaders. They told him “many hungry eCitizens would weep knowing of what you have past up to eat today. Please do not make us waste what they could have had.”

Back to work and it was more hard labour which the reporter couldn’t handle. He asked for a break which the supervisor willingly gave him. They escorted him to a nice pool and told him to relax. He slowly lowered himself into the cool waters and floated oh-so peacefully. Suddenly, he felt the water’s temperature rising and it soon reached boiling point! He begged them to let him out but they insisted he “enjoy his break” and the hot water would “boil away all impurities” he had that made him so negative. He was let out fifteen minute later and sent to the medical room for treatment.

After his treatment it was more mush for dinner followed by the nightly “mass” led by Paul Hamon himself. The reporter was amazed as to how the members of PaPP listened to every word Mr. Hamon had to say. He repeated many times that he was here to help them become better eAustralians and that all of their hard work here is contributing greatly to the community. He said that the PaPP do not want to take over but they want to help shape eAustralia as much as they can for the better.



Paul Hamon then talked about how he was sent to eAustralia by the “Heavenly Powers That Be” and he would use the knowledge and powers of these Gods to better everyone. He proceeded to pull up some sick people onto the stage and started to heal them! The reporter was amazed at the healing powers possessed by the PaPP leader and his members roared in cheers after each person was cured.

But this was not the most bizarre moment of them all…

Paul Hamon pulled up a few women on the stage and announced that they were pregnant, much to the approval of all the members. Paul Hamon told everyone once more that it was their duty to help eAustralia grow into a better country and that it all starts here. He then ordered what the PaPP does best: “populate and procreate”.

The second the words were uttered a large orgy broke out. The reporter was extremely horrified since he was a devout Christian who still holds into his virginity, so he hid behind a plant in the corner as the breeding took place. It was even said that Paul Hamon sang many Barry White songs to get everyone in the mood. Once the orgy was concluded, everyone went back to their rooms for sleep before work began in the early hours of the morning.

eLadies and eGentlemen of eAustralia, this is what Paul Hamon has been up to! This is what has been going on behind the scenes. Now the public won’t have to call out Mr. Hamon to explain himself. Now the public know the truth and it is this: Paul Hamon is forcing people to breed and work for the better of eAustralia – at least better in his own sick and twisted mind!

You are evil Mr. Hamon, EVIL! I’ve removed the blanket of lies from your body of truth and shown it to the eWorld! Shame on you good sir, for shame!

(Editor’s Note: It was discovered afterwards by the staff at the Word Down Under that the reporter sent to investigate Mr. Hamon and the PaPP may have been suffering from extreme cases of schizophrenia and paranoia. There is a strong possibility that the young man could have made the entire thing up… maybe…)