Join the new world

Ahhh as the saying goes, “tis the season.” No, not the season to be jolly (sorry guys, pack up the spiked eggnog and ugly Christmas sweaters for another 6 months or so), I’m talking about the season for those intolerable, clichéd campaign/elect me ads. Now I’m sure everyone who reads this intolerable, clichéd errr I mean fresh to death campaign ad has already read/wept their through the kind of ads that I am talking about, the ones that just scream don’t vote for me!!

But that all ends right here. Instead of writing a book resembling War in Peace, I will take out all of my impossible campaign promises that will never be kept in a single swift low blow. If you will vote for me I will:

Pay for 2 moving tickets, pay for 2 moving tickets and bribe you with gold that I don’t own, singlehandedly defeat PEACE, personally knock down the Q5 hospital in Java Indonesia and while I’m there kick GLaDOS directly in his trolling little nuggets, lower taxes but still rake in more money for the federal gov to spend, make a bunch of alliances but not pay for them, raise minimum wage so that every citizen can afford Q5 food, be so transparent you can even see me in the shower, be bipartisan but only do what my party tells me to do, put a Q5 hospital in every state, invade eMexico, successfully invade eMexico and finally if you vote for me and I win in Maine I will stop sleeping my way to the top of the Libertarian Party, and actually earn a nomination next time.

But if I don’t win, every single day I promise I will personally copy every Nick Everdale article ever written, take out his name and Virginia and plug in Ronald Wilson Reagan 2 and Maine.

So, on this tone i formally announce my congressional candidature under the Libertarian flag in the great state of Maine!

Ronald Wilson Reagan 2
Ambassador to eIreland
Libertarian regional representative to California
Proud member of the eUS Army
Former national guardsman