Myles Robinson Fist Fights Joe DaSmoe

Day 1,103, 11:05 • Published in USA USA • by SamWystan

Issue 22
The News the Illuminati Don't Want You To Know!


Government Rumble Spurs Reform
Joe DaSmoe, a Libertarian blocker accidentally elected to Congress in South Carolina (possibly due to his overwhelmingly popular message of "lower taxes") has taken to the streets to preach his message of how he'll effect Congress in the coming month. Mr. DaSmoe, a member of the Libertarian Writers' Guild, is facing growing calls to run for the Libertarian nominee for president.

Longtime bureaucrat Myles Robinson, an admitted manipulator and unaccountable member of government, immediately came out to denounce Mr. DaSmoe. Mr. Robinson played up his elitism, and told the people of the United States that the secret cabal he belongs to does not, in fact, exist. But that's exactly what a member of the secret cabal would say.


(Mssrs. Robinson & DaSmoe wailing on each other, circa 1970-something)

Mr. Robinson faced down Mr. DaSmoe in the streets, screaming insults, one of which was particularly nasty about Mr. DaSmoe's grandmother. Mr. DaSmoe responded in kind, calling Mr. Robinson a "[expletive][expletive][expletive][expletive]". Mr. DaSmoe's eloquence was particularly noted.

Within minutes, the two titans of politics were tangled in the street, as onlookers immediately placed bets about who would win. If Mr. DaSmoe does run, and does win the Presidency, it is widely expected that Mr. Robinson will have him assassinated by a White House janitor.


Phoenix Still Alive, Experts Say
Phoenix, despite numerous eulogies written by its friends in EDEN and the Brolliance, is apparently still alive. A cursory look at the world map reveals that not only is Phoenix still alive, but France has made gains back into Spain and Germany and that Hungary is advancing into the Ukraine.


(EDEN and the Broalliance holding a respect & tasteful funeral for their friend, Phoenix)

Many experts agreed, Phoenix is definitely still alive. "Oh yes, it's risen from where it was just a few weeks ago, like a... phoenix..." said (lamely) a renowned international political expert who refused to be named since he lives in an EDEN country and expects to murdered for saying such a thing. The location of his house is available on our website.

EDEN commented on this story with an official "humbug".
Phoenix went with a more enthusiastic, "Wooo! Yeah!"