My Reason for Fighting the Mexican War

Day 1,124, 09:03 • Published in USA USA • by John Doll

As most of you know already, Josh Frost has made Mexico our Natural Enemy... Or something like that maybe I have the terminology wrong... Anyway. Each and every one of us needs to start thinking about why WE, personally, fight. What's in this war for us, whether it's monetarily or otherwise. Well I've been doing some thinking, friends, and have decided why I will kick Mexican ass and take names that have accent marks in them. And this is what I write about today.


This is Mexico... For now...

The Mexican War- My Story

I saw a commercial a while back about this half-pound burrito at Taco Bell. The commercial featured Shaquille O'Neal (or maybe another monstrous black man... Pretty sure it was him, though). Shaq went up to the counter and ordered two of these delicious-looking burritos. Then, the guy at the counter said "you won't need two." Now, I took this commercial on its word and one day at the dinner break in a rehearsal for a play I was in, I was really hungry and got this half-pound burrito. Now, it was DELICIOUS. And by delicious, I mean like a lot. However, when I finished eating this burrito, it left me without a full stomach.

Therefore...

It's all your fault, Mexico. Because of the food of your country's origin, I was left craving more food that one night. Therefore, prepare for me to pillage your country out of every last drop of refried beans and ground beef with spicy sauce. Oh and if you have any potatoes, I'll take them too.

Enjoy your delicious food while it lasts,

John Doll