My Mouth Tastes Like Vomit and Bear Meat

Day 547, 18:55 • Published in USA Ireland • by Tim Rogers

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE CONTAINS DISTURBING THINGS. IF YOU DON'T LIKE DISTURBING THINGS AND GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, THEN STOP READING RIGHT NOW.

Voting is important!

I have been noticing a lot of campaign posters lining the streets and the walls of the buildings I pass on my way to work. I wouldn’t normally notice them, actually. I tend to walk fast, but the bear carcass has been weighing me down quite a bit.

So far I have eaten about half of it, and I am now dragging it by its spinal column across the city. A group of cats is following me, and they occasionally take a bite off of the bear’s face.

I know what you are thinking, and the answer is yes; I ate its penis.

I gobbled it right up.

Anyway, I was walking down the street when I noticed a poster was glued to the bear’s fur. I wiped the sticky brown blood off of it.



What the hell is a campaign poster from Connecticut doing in New Jersey? It seems like some effort was put into this, so if I was in Connecticut I would vote for this… baby… man… politician thing.

I folded the poster up and put it in my pocket, intending to fashion it into a disposable tool for removing people’s fingernails. It is better for them to be disposable, because if they aren’t then I have to spend hours cleaning them. The cleaning product I use is intended for removing caked on oil and blood from the outside of tanks, and whenever I breathe it I get incredibly dizzy and my hands start to feel numb. Numb hands make it hard to steal people’s faces; I end up cutting their noses off and slicing through their eyes.

I reached down the dead bear’s throat to find something to throw at the cats, but all I could find was a newspaper covered in dried bear vomit and cat piss. I wiped off the vomit and read the title.

A Cynic for Georgia

What the hell. This isn’t Georgia. Was the bear from Georgia? Is the zoo importing illegal Georgian bears?

Unfortunately, I don’t have time for scandals involving high-ranking zoo officials. I have bigger and better things to do, like slowly working my way to the succulent brains of this rotting bear carcass before those damned cats get to it.