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Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am.
Fried chicken is my favourite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children.
So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where the f#ck I am...???



Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few
days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, you realise
you’ve got sugar diabetes.”
Paddy says,
“Nice one, when do I fight him?



Paddy caught his Wife having an affair and decided to kill her and himself. He puts the gun to his head, looks at his Wife and says "Don't laugh, your next!!"



Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in the school
play as a man who's been married for 25 years"
His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!!"




In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort". The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mother.



Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being
carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs. Apparently, Yorkshire
club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their
front teeth.
Police say the dangerous practice is called "e by gum"



Several days ago as I left a meeting I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys.

They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park.

My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion! His theory was right. The car park was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all.

"Hello My Love", I stammered; I always call him "My Love" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had disconnected, but then I heard his voice. He barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your bloody car."