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Potpourri

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If you can't be a shining example, then just serve as a horrible warning.

-- Catherine Aird


Jokes

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An elementary school teacher was having a discussion about careers and family with her students one day. "What's your father's occupation?" she asked the class. "Who wants to go first?"

One boy raised his hand. "Yes, Tommy?" she said.

"My dad's a magician," said Tommy.

"How interesting," the teacher replied. "What's his favorite trick?"

Tommy answered, "He saws people in half!"

"Oh, my goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. A moment later she composed herself. "Okay, Tommy, next question," she said. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Yes," Tommy answered. "I have one half brother and two half sisters."

-o-o-o-o-

A friend and I used to run a small temporary-staffing service. Our agency did mandatory background checks on all job candidates, even though our application form asked them if they'd ever been convicted of a crime. One day after a round of interviews, my co-worker was entering information from a young man's application into the computer.

She called me over to show me that he had noted a previous conviction for assault. Below that, on the line listing his skill, he had written, "Good with people."

-o-o-o-o-

A woman gave birth to six babies and on seeing this she got off the hospital bed, slapped her husband and shouted, "I told you not to do it doggy style!"

-o-o-o-o-

The ticket said "scratch to win." I've been scratching myself for hours and I still haven't won anything!