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Forget Magic Mike... here's Magic Mitt

Not the first time I've been accused of being a corporate whore

Now that I have your attention, you may be aware of my failure to win the United States Presidential Election, here is a statement:

1. Ironically, I only lost by the 1% - probably the same 1% i wouldn't refund their money

2. It's all a conspiracy by the Obama Administration and Pizza Hut... ask Donald Trump

3. I blame my voters for being too stupid to push the right name... I'm looking at you George W Bush

4. I'd like to tender my continued reign of the British wing of the Republican Party... returning to the natural home of the true Tea Party is my aim, and I'm sure my lovely wife will provide ample Welsh cakes from the Valleys

Thank You, and Goodnight

I'm Mitt Romney... and I approve this message