Memo to Anarchists: You're Doing It Wrong!

Day 2,033, 18:24 • Published in Ireland Ireland • by Arjay Phoenician III

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There have always been groups out there, roaming the eRepublik landscape, seeking to tear down what the good people of the world try to build up. They PTO recklessly, believing their existence should be thanked, because, without them, this game would be no fun. It is more enjoyable to destroy than to create, and they go out and try to prove it. They believe in chaos. They talk trash. They oppose because they oppose and can give no better reason than that.

They call themselves anarchists. They create parties and units to organize themselves. They post crazed pictures. They come up with catchy slogans and take more time developing their name anagram than a reason for being. They truly believe they are the anti-force in this world, the yin versus the established yang. They invest so much time in deception at first and then bravado after. They hope you’ll wake up one day, come to work and train and fight, but instead of your national flag waving above you, there will be a screen, all of them laughing at you.

I’m here to tell you, anarchists, you’re doing it all wrong.



First of all, anarchists by definition seek a society with no government. They believe bureaucracy is unnecessary, is in conflict with personal freedom, and should be dismantled. They envision a world where we are liberated from state obligations and can create something for ourselves without having to pledge allegiance to anything higher than our own beings.

That’s not what you want, is it? You don’t want a world without government. You merely seek to seize control of that government, to make it serve your own purposes. You want power just as bad as anyone else does. You just want to replace THEIR order with YOUR order. You want CP and Congress medals just as bad as those in the country you’re trying to PTO. However you wish to steer the ship after that, that’s your call, but instead of dashing the government into the rocks for its own joy, you loot the treasury, you hoist your own flag, and you rule.

That is not anarchy. That is merely organized opposition.



Second, anarchists are individualistic. They don’t organize and create their own bureaucracies and pseudo-societies. They believe the singular person is smarter than any government clerk and can follow his own lead. The smallest indivisible part of any human endeavor, be it a country or a party or even a family, is the individual, and they are willing to rise and fall on the belief that he is intelligent enough to live his life on his own terms. Yes, there is a general anarchist “culture”, but it’s not based on someone at the top demanding his minions wear this or pierce that.

Game “anarchists”, on the other hand, are really big on symbolism and organization, just like any other party or unit in the game. They have their internal structures, usually they gather at a forum or IRC somewhere to plan their next caper, they have leaders who direct their underlings, just like every other organization here. Also, just like everybody else, they rely on the sworn loyalty of their members, needing them to give up significant portions of their personal freedom and identity in order to pull off their next stunt. Even if you dummy such a group down and call them a “team”, the very notion of a team flies in the face of what anarchy is supposed to be, because true anarchists appreciate the precious nature of the one. In many cases, they use their group logo, their corporate stamp, as their avatars, wiping out the last vestiges of their individuality.



And third, real anarchists summarily reject groupthink. In the early 20th century, anarchists were staunchly opposed to fascism. Later, their target was communism, and even today, anytime the government tries to install a new program or enforce a law, even if it could benefit society, you get the anarchists stepping up and calling any overreach of the government, left or right, an evil.

In contrast, how many so-called anarchist groups have we seen in this world that glorify Nazi imagery?

How many PTO groups pledge allegiance to another country, whether or not that country sanctions them? How many wave their national banners? Provided they’re stupid enough to come out of the shadows early, how many have talked trash about how their motherland will win the day? They subscribe to the groupthink of their chosen homeland and believe themselves to be an extension. Such thinking makes them tools for government, which is the complete opposite of true anarchy.



I understand that “game anarchy” developed as a party description, and the choice of “anarchy” is supposed to bring with it an aura of subcultural undercurrents and a loathing of the status quo. Such a party seeks to draw in members who believe the national elite need to be knocked down a peg or two. It is designed to fill members with the hope of activity, but in reality, it gives them false street cred. “Game anarchy” is not true anarchy, anymore than any other game element truly mirrors its real-world counterpart.

But this world has been around long enough, can’t these punks name themselves something a little more accurate to what they’re actually doing? Can’t WE just take it upon ourselves and call them what they really are, instead of glorifying them with a very real and credible social philosophy some human beings truly believe? Me, I like the word “punk”. Probably something more precise is “tool”; it’s close enough to the word “troll” to give you a sense of their social maturity, but it also reveals their dimwitted usefulness to others.

Truly, if you’re in one of these groups, if you pound your chest because you claim to be an “anarchist”, stop what you’re doing. You’re making a complete fool of yourself (“fool = “tool”). You’re mocking the real-world concept of the word. All you did was find another lame crowd to follow. Instead of taking orders from the MoFA, you take orders from a guy who could have been MoFA if he applied himself. Whatever it is inside you that makes you unique and precious and a potential asset to the world, you not only smother it in groupthink, you kill it by giving up any semblance of identity. You give your time, your energy, your wealth, your shouts, your newspaper, your credibility, your reputation to your hierarchy, and it’s all wasted, because you don’t even know what real anarchy is.

I’m not telling you to stop what you’re doing. If you really believe PTOing a small, struggling nation and plundering their treasury is fun, knock yourself out. If you think burrowing into a country’s social fabric and becoming a sleeper cell is worth the time and trouble and will give you a big payoff when your leaders finally tell you to blow yourself up, terrific. I’m not going to tell you to stop acting like a punk if you truly believe that is the best way you can play this game.

Just do me a favor. Stop calling yourself an anarchist. You’re not an anarchist. You’re a punk.




Belfast Lough Times: Issue #22