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The Fieldist Volume II, Issue 12
The News Madison Doesn't Want You to Know

Troublesome Runs For Congress
Would-be-politicians, game-changers, heroes, future fathers of their country, scoundrels, scumbags, crooks, weasels, the generally average, etc., have declared their candidacy for Congress of the United States the past few days. They lay down their proposals for "change" or "more of the same" or "insanity" depending on which demographic they plan to court. For many this is the first time they've thrown their metaphoric hats into the metaphoric ring, others are veteran politicians, who cut their teeth on the naive would-be contenders to their thrones. They're willing to duke it out in a battle-royale for control of Congress by the party of choice.

There is, however, a small flaw in their plans: many have refused to reveal in which state they are running.

"I opened my stack of papers today to read about the news, and I found many advertisements for various candidates," said an average person, just like you or me; except with an Oriental dragon tattoo running down her arm, who coincidentally refused to give her name. "But I can't tell for the life of me where they're running. Perhaps they're all running in American Mexico, as exile candidates."

Others were less congenial about the dislocated runs. "It's a f***ing joke," said an old coot and Congressional aide who refused to give us his name. "An f***ing congressional candidate can't even tell us where he's running, ought to be f***ing laughed at instead of voted for. Ain't gonna win votes like that. We oughta hang the f***ing lot of them." He then massaged the place where his peg leg met his knee, and passed out.

The Fieldist reminds loyal Americans, and by extension, Fielidist readers, that this is not a game. Congress will kill you if given the chance. This is not an open-ended answer. There are right and wrong candidates. The Fieldist will offer up well-reasoned endorsements of candidates in the future. These are the right answers. Picking someone opposed to America is the wrong way to vote.

Fieldist For Department of Fun
During the presidential election cycle, the Fieldist was routinely ignored in its attempts to be brought into the Department of Fun. We at the Fieldist feel that we produce the only top-notch American fun in the country, a Quality 5 Fun if you will.

Alternatively, you could get your fun from the Japanoteraphile (Japanese-monster loving) Picayune, which has consistently accused the Fieldist editor-in-chief of committing murder. Shameless, anti-American fun like that will be banned under a Fieldist DOF.

So, in conclusion, if you want the Fieldist to endorse you for your run in a specified state, mention in your platform that you want SamWystan or the staff at the Fieldist to head up the DOF. Also, a monetary donation to us wouldn't hurt either.