Let Haliman's Reign Of Terror Begin!

Day 1,142, 13:05 • Published in USA USA • by SamWystan

Issue 5
"Get this man a Media Mogul" ~Gulden Draak


Haliman Wins Election, Despite Election Not Being Over
Yes, with about half the day left before the election is over, Premier Haliman, the candidate from the USWP, leading a mass coalition of parties, has already been declared Leader of the Free World, with a roughly 200 vote lead over Inwegen. Already, the Inwegen Campaign is having its obituaries written by none other than Congressman Extraordinaire ligtreb, who pretty much pissed on Mr. Inwegen's grave.


(Premier Haliman won with the support of the military)

Premier Haliman is now not only de facto ruler (as has been previously reported in the pages of The Fieldist) but is now de jure ruler of the country also. Gone are the days of puppet rulers. In the meantime, opposition forces are vowing everlasting war on Haliman, refusing to support the President under any circumstances. "I don't care if Haliman says that it's fun to play with puppies," said one opposition figure from the shadows. "We'll find and hang puppies if he does."


Will International Import Taxes Increase?
In a revealing article, Investors Choice Magazine demonstrated that due to the shift in economic production calculated based on ownership of resources. It's an incredible article, and one that reveals that the United States, along with allies Brazil, Poland, Croatia, and China are likely to dominate the international food-production world. The US, Indonesia, Brazil, and Poland also are likely to take leads in weapons production. As PANAM is increasingly adding allies, it is likely that it will become an economic juggernaut as well as a military force to be reckoned with.


(Let's tax us some potatoes)

Investors Choice points out the necessity of raising import taxes to protect local economies from the Great Powers. Said an anonymous representative of the Montenegrin government, whose country only produces fish, "Motenegro's fish-based economy must be protected. If people ever learn they can eat fruit, or cattle, our economy will be in tatters." He appeared to be suffering from mercury poisoning. A representative of the US government had a response to such fears; "proponents of import taxes fear the liberating effect of American food."


Other Countries Also Electing Presidents
It's certainly incredible, isn't it? Even while we're in the midst of our election other countries are having elections as well. For instance, former American Konrad Neumann is winning as Germany's Presidential candidate for the Communist Party there. Similarly, in Canada, Wes Lewis is defeating current Head Moose TemujinBC's handpicked successor (after his campaign went FUBAR). In the UK, Frerk is currently annihilating UKRP candidate Sir Humphrey Abbleby for Prime Minister (those are real candidates).


(Picture😛 Typical French election)

What's most amusing about all this is that the citizens of these other countries really think that all this is important! We asked one foreigner what he thought about the elections, "well, they're really important," he began, but we stopped paying attention. Instead we asked an American what she thought about the foreigners' elections. "Foreign countries don't have elections, everyone knows that. Now let me decide between which flavor of spray-on cheese to buy, I'm having trouble between BBQ and Seafood." Ain't that America?


No One Cares About Model Congress
Technically, I think Model Congress sign-ups are over, but it's kind of sparse in there. I took the liberty of signing up this session. People have recommended that you sign-up for Model Congress if you want to become a Congress person, but privately, I think it's all lies. Instead, I'm recommending that you sign-up for Model Congress to propose bills that Congress should consider but hasn't because it's Congress. So let me tell you about a couple of mine. Feel free to join in the discussion if so moved.

First, Congress should strip the President of the Departments. Essentially this bill would recognize that the departments are only with the president due to tradition, and should be placed under the control of Congress instead. The President would become essentially the Commander-In-Chief of the Armed Forces only, and the executor of Congress' orders.

Second, Congress should create a Department of Google Docs, which would wrangle all the governments' documentation together, as well as create a Google Doc for all future Google Docs. It's a really innovative idea and in no way is meant to highlight the sheer amount of paperwork "playing" this game requires.

So no matter your age, sign-up for Model Congress, and suggest what you want Congress to do. And the great thing is they have to consider it!

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