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Its been a long time since i released an article,but i received these emails and i just had to share them with you
So
read em and laugh



> >MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

> >A new sign in the Bank Lobby
> reads:
> >
> >'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines
> >enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving
> their vehicles.
> >
> >Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures
> >outlined below when accessing their accounts.
> >
> >After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" procedures have been
> >developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'
>
> >MALE PROCEDURE:
> >
> >1. Drive up to the cash machine.
> >2. Put down your car window.
> >3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
> >4.
> Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
> >5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
> >6. Put window up.
> >7. Drive off.
> >
> >FEMALE PROCEDURE:
>
> >(What is really funny is that most of this part is the truth!!!!)
> >
> >1. Drive up to cash machine.
> >2. Reverse and back up the required
> amount to align car window with the
> >machine.
> >3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
> >4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to
> passenger seat to locate card.
> >5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
> >6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
>
> >7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
> >distance from the car.
> >8. Insert card.
> >9. Re-insert card the
> right way.
> >10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside
> >back page.
> >11. Enter PIN.
> >12. Press cancel and re-
> enter correct PIN.
> >13. Enter amount of cash required.
> >14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
> >15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
> >16. Empty
> handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
> >17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of
> >chequebook.
>
> >18. Re-check makeup.
> >19. Drive forward 2 feet.
> >20. Reverse back to cash machine.
> >21. Retrieve card.
> >22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card
> holder, and place card into the slot
> >provided!
> >23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
> >24. Restart stalled engine
> and pull off.
> >25. Redial person on cell phone.
> >26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
> >27. Release Parking Brake.

---

Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Ascot Racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry.
As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in Grade 3?
'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.

---

53,000 Scousers meet in Anfield for a 'Scousers Are Not Stupid' convention.

Steven Gerrard addresses the crowd.. 'We are all here today to prove to the world that Scousers are not stupid.

Can I have a volunteer please?'

Wayne Rooney gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

Gerrard asks him 'What is 15 plus 15?'

After 15 or 20 seconds Rooney says, ' Forty!'

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Scousers start chanting 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'

Gerrard says, 'Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance.'

So he asks, 'What is 5 plus 5?'

After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, ' Twelve?'

Gerrard looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh.

Everyone is disheartened and Rooney starts crying.

But then the 53,000 Scousers begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'

Gerrard, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says, 'OK then, what is 2 plus 2?'

Silence hangs over the stadium.

Rooney closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, 'Four?'

Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Scouse crowd stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream,

'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'