Krems Curb-Stomps Presidential Contenders (SGGHays Helps)
Day 1,141, 21:07
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Published in USA 
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by
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by SamWystan
Issue 4
"SamWystan isn't America's greatest writer, but he is consistent." ~Necros Xiaoban, eUS Imperialist Party President
Messy Debate Makes Both Candidates Look Bad
Presidential Candidates Haliman and Inwegen entered the S.E.E.S. Thunderdome ready to rumble, but both left badly bruised and beaten as the crowd threw rotten fruit at their retreating backs. The judges of the debate; NicholasRyan, Claire Littleton, and St Krems; ultimately drew a tie. Partly, the bloodied candidates were hurt due to the judges' sometimes complete lack of moderation. In the end, both candidates were found to be horrible contenders for the Presidency, a prestigious position, which has also been held by impeached President Uncle Sam.
The real winners in the debate were two unexpected ones. Mr. Krems, the former president, really stood out on his command of the issues, which he used to mercilessly beat the other candidates with, even setting Mr. Haliman up with a question that had a false premise and then knocking Mr. Haliman down. He also notably impinged the character of Mr. Inwegen, whose character is so reviled, it is reported that he cannot even play a villain in a rhymes-with-"Larry Botter" novel.
(This is as apt a metaphor for the debate as any, except that more people watched the debate)
The other stand-out star in the S.E.E.S. debate was SGGHays, Mr. Haliman's plucky vice presidential candidate. For the early part of the debate, Mr. Hays appeared to be having a separate debate with Mr. Inwegen's VP choice CRoy about who could get into Ms. Littleton's pants (a favorite parlor game in many political circles). But then Mr. Hays broke out and really started throwing jabs against Inwegen, possibly costing Inwegen the victory on one question. Mr. Hays also pushed back against the judges, which Mr. Haliman notably failed to do.
All and all, the debate was a livelier one than the UIP's snorefest; but it could have been better had the judges quashed some of the unruly behavior from the candidates and their vice presidential choices. The Fieldist now backs St. Krems for President and hopes that SGGHays will be chosen as vice president.
Logs of the debate are available here, if you happened to miss them. Or you feel like going through that trauma again due to some sick fetish.
Canada, Beware
I have just received a report that The Fieldist is on its way to setting up a Canadian affiliate. Many of you may know that Joe DaSmoe left to Canada (traitor). He has nothing to do with The Fieldist being in Canada, I just wanted everyone to remember that Joe DaSmoe left to Canada. Maybe he'll be kept warm when he reads the Canadian version.
I won't have editorial control over this paper, but I will say that I expect it will bring you the same type of American news as The Fieldist does. Except in Canada. I have complete faith in the editor, and as soon as he's capable of running a paper, I'll start blaring that it exists in the pages of The Fieldist.
If you were expecting the Business or International Section, I'm sorry, but I don't feel like doing the research for that, I wanted to get this issue to press. Please take a moment to re-read the epic tale of my time in Frost's White House that was released earlier.
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Comments
Both candidates looked awful at the debate but I liked the way Inwegen handled himself for most the debate.
I watched the debate turn into what I figured it would.
lol'ed
Get this man a media mogul
i want the debate logs
The logs are in the hyperlink.
Nice, voted
Thanks for sparing me from IRC, Sam. You're the best!
Voting for the Mexican.
Voting for the Mexican.
agrees with Gulden Draak
Why does Krems get all the glory? I did some quality candidate bashing too, you know... Really though, Krems was the only one to make me "aw, snap" during the whole thing. I agree that SGG came out as the winner. Lastly, we didn't draw a tie, we voted that America Lost.
Claire, Krems wins because I wrote this note about 30 minutes into the debate:
"Krems is not clear if he's a moderator or a candidate, really doing a lot debating himself."
Eventually you and Nick picked up on it, but by this time Krems was miles ahead of you in the debating the candidates section. Also, Krems never mentioned Haliman's privates, which was very presidential of him.
'we voted that America Lost. '
this won't happen if you vote for me in the real elections : D
LOL, this is great. Love the writing Sam. 🙂
Im a traitor why? how?
The "moderators" made this debate about themselves, not about the candidates or the issues. Way to go there, Greek Life. You showed the eUSA elite off for the beer drinking, vulgar losers that you really are. Only CRoy sprung for the bait and lowered himself to your level, as if this debate were American Idol. I actually think both inwegen and Halliman did pretty well, and deserve some respect here. Nonetheless, I voted for the Mexican lady. Just because.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ve19C2WQHs8&feature=related
He votado a favor de la mujer mexicana.
Thanks for the logs, Sam.
I missed this due to actually doing other worthless things not related to eRep for once.
@JDS: You should know by now that Sam writes for comedy and/or to provoke reactions.
@SSeabury: You know we have pop tramps here in the states too, just like RBD. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPZ3-ZfZ7yg
P.S. Get this man a media mogul X3
@Claire
Krems gets the glory because he's british.
This debate was rigged from the start. Held in a party channel and by a party of trolls. Krems was not a moderator, but a candidate and should have been questioned as closely as Haliman and Inwegen. I have to give Krems props though,even though he was very brutish throughout, very smart to focus the questioners on everyone but him.
Newsflash: Krems wasn't a for real candidate and still isn't. As you can see, he's last on the ballot with the least votes. If he were running, he wouldn't be last. So please, put the issue of him being a candidate to bed.
@Seabury: You are calling me or Nick Ryan elites? I laugh at that and hope to God you are the only one who considers me an elite. Now, gtfo.
The debate was not rigged. Two questions I submitted were asked, and the candidates responded superbly to them. It was held in a debate channel created by SEES. The moderating could have been better, but the format was entertaining. I think both candidates were flawed, but any candidate is.