Ambient on/off

Sign up

 

Continue

Continue By creating an account you agree to the Terms of Service & Privacy Policy

Jokes

Day 1,674, 21:54 Published in Canada Canada by Adrastos Amon

Innocence!
Daddy it's true that in some parts of Africa a man does not know his wife until after marriage?
- The same happens in all countries, my dear.

Mismatch!
I and my girlfriend have been happy for 20 years. Then …we got married...

Disadvantages!
What is to be married Mike?
- Well..... I'm not allowed to drink, I'm not allowed to smoke, I'm not allowed to go with friends for a beer, I'm not allowed to watch after a woman on the street ...
- It means you regret for getting married?
- No, no, no ... I’m not allowed to regret that…

The phone!
A man is watching TV and wakes up when his wife push him.
- That is it dear?
- On this ticket is written Laura! Who’s Laura?
- Aaaaa…is the name of a horse…. I bet on horse racing!
Wife goes quiet ... The next day, husband wakes up again after being pushed by his wife.
- What is happening dear?
- The horse called you!


Poor guy!
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
- Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.
To which his wife responds: He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any lubricant. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!

Your Daughter is Pregnant!
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.
It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Give me a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"
The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed,
Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?
Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!

Second Opinion!
A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says: And you are no good in bed either, and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home.
She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says,
- What took you so long to answer the phone?
She says...I was in bed.
In bed … doing what? Shouts the doctor.
Getting a second opinion!
 

Comments

 
Post your comment

What is this?

You are reading an article written by a citizen of eRepublik, an immersive multiplayer strategy game based on real life countries. Create your own character and help your country achieve its glory while establishing yourself as a war hero, renowned publisher or finance guru.