Jokes about the Polish.

Day 1,147, 08:28 • Published in Romania Romania • by CorneliuS16

Pentru ca Odovacer, in ultimul lui articol, mi-a adus aminte de polonezii tradatori si de isteria creata in jurul acestora, m-am gandit, ca tot romanul mioritic, sa fac haz de necaz si m-am hotarat sa public cateva glume despre polonezi pe care le-am gasit intamplator pe internet.
Le voi publica in engleza, asa cum le-am gasit pentru ca sunt mult mai amuzante decat daca ar fi traduse.


1.Polish firing squads stand in a circle.

2.New Polish navy has glass bottom boats, to see to the old Polish navy.

3.Q. Why don't polish women use vibrators?
A. It chips their teeth.

4.Q. How do you sink a polish battleship?
A. Put it in water.

5.A Polish and an Romanian are hunting in the woods. Suddenly a
naked woman appears.
Romanian: Boy, I could eat her!...
The Polish guy shot her.

6.Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin.

7.Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear
hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR
LEFT" so they went home.

8.Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.

9.Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
A: Turn off the carousel.

10.Did you hear about the latest Polish invention? It's a solar-powered
flashlight.

11.Q: What do you do if a Polak throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.

12.Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be burried at sea
when he died? Five sailors died digging his grave.

13.Did you hear about the Polish family that froze to death outside a
theater? They were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the Winter."

Si acum pentru cei care mai au inca rabdare sa citeasca, unele mai lungi...

1.A Romanian is walking down the street when he sees a Polak
with a very long pole and a yardstick. He's standing the pole on its
end and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick.
Seeing the Polak's ignorance, the Romanian wrenches the pole
out of his hand, lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the
yardstick, and says, "There! 10 feet long."
The Polak grabs the yardstick and shouts, "You idiot Romanian!
I don't care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!"

2. A polish guy wins a brand new sports car in a contest. He
drives around all the time waving at the rednecks. One day the
rednecks stop him, they draw a circle in the dirt and say "If you step
out of that circle, we will kick your ass." They pick up hammers and
start busting up his new car. They look back and the is smiling. They
hit the car some more, and he is laughing. They walk over to him and
ask "Why are you laughing, we just busted up your car."
He says "I know, but I stepped out of the circle 9 times."

3.These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are
amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to
the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!"
The other asks, "But how will we remember where this spot is?"
The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on
the bottom of the boat, and says, "We'll just look for this X
tomorrow."
The other guy says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the
same boat?"

4.A Pole, English, and French guy are running away from the German
soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each
climing a tree. When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree
where the English guy is, and shout, "We know you're up there; come
down."
The English guy, thinking fast, says, "Twit, twit, twit..."
The Germans, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next
tree where the French guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up
there; come down."
The French guy, thinking fast, says, "Woo, woo, woo..."
The Germans, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next
tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up
there; come down."
The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says, "Moo, moo,
moo..."

5.Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, a Romanian, and a
Polak, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe
says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"
The German responds, "I will take oil!"
So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10
times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his
back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polak, "What
do you want on your back?"
"I will take nothing!" says the Polak, and he stands there
straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.
"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the
Romanian.
He responds, "I'll take the Polak!"

6.This Polak came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took
off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I am home!"
What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife.
Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it
to his head. His wife started laughing.
"Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!"

7.A Polak, an American, and a German had a room full of dirty
tampons, and they decided to have a contest to see who could stay in
there the longest. First it was the American's turn. The other two
locked him in the room and waited. A week later, they heard him
whimpering and pounding on the door so they let him out.
"That is the sickest smell I have ever endured!" cried the
American. "I couldn't stay in there another minute!"
Next it was the German's turn. After a month he finally banged
on the door to be let out. "Oh God, that is the most putrid smell in
the world! I couldn't take it another minute!" he cried as he gasped
for breath.
Finally it was the Polak's turn. They locked him in the room
and waited. A week went by, a month, a year. The German and American
heard nothing. Finally they began to worry, so they yelled through the
door, "You can come out now! You've won the contest by far!"
To which the Polak yelled back, "No, not yet! I'm not done
eating the jelly donuts."

8.An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Polak were captured by the
Germans and thrown into prison. However, the guard was rather kind
towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five years,
_but_ I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away."
The Englishman says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!"
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer.
The Frenchman says, "I'll have five years' supply of brandy!"
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his brandy.
The Polak says, "I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!"
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his cigarettes.
Five years later, the Germans come to release their
prisoners. First, they release the Englishman, who staggers out
totally drunk. Then, they release the Frenchman, who also rolls out
rather inebriated. Then, they release the Polak, who comes out and
says, "Has anyone got a light?"

9.Man goes to a whore house. The Madam is out of women but,
since the guy is Polish she thinks she can get away with a blow up
doll and he will never know the difference. Being a bit nervous
because she has never tried this one before, The Madam waits outside
the door. The Polack comes out in five minutes. "How was it?", says
the Madam.
"I don't know," says the Polak, "I bit her on the tit and she
farted and flew out the window!"

10.A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown
paper bag. He ran into one of his friends, who asked, "Hey! What do
you have in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish
in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can
guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one."
The man says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many
fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."


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