Jokes about the Hungarians and the Germans.[For our few Polish friends]

Day 1,148, 10:41 • Published in Romania Romania • by CorneliuS16

For the Polish friends, and I emphasize on the word friends, who were offend yesterday by the contents of my latest article, please accept my sincere apologies. I did not mean for the jokes to refer to your people as a whole, but only to those Polish players who have, in a certain fashion, betrayed Romania and our allies.
As for the good people of Poland, I hope you don't have any hard feelings.
So as a part of my apology, I give you some jokes about Hungarians, because what is better than to laugh at the best joke God Himself provided for us, and I'll know you'll enjoy this... some about your Bavarian palls.
This is for our friends in Poland
We're the best, you know what we do to the rest.
Here it goes.



.Q: How do you get a Hungarian out of the bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.

.Q: Did you hear about the new automatic Hungarian parachutes?
A: They open on impact.

.Q: How did the Hungarian mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on?
A: Yellow in the front, Brown in the back!

.Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian Helicopter crash?
A: The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan.

.Q: Did you know that Hungary just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
A: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Romania.

.Q: How many Hungarians does it take to kidnap a child?
A: 12. One to kidnap the child and the remaining 11 to write a ransom letter.

.Q: Did you see the Hungarian submarine with a screen door?
A: Don’t laugh, it keeps the fish out.

.Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian who studied for 5 days?
A: He was scheduled to take a urine test.

.Q: What happens when a Hungarian doesn't pay his garbage bill?
A: They stop delivering.

.Q: What happened to the Hungarian National Library?
A: Someone stole the book

The Romanian administration discusses building a statue of Avram Iancu. A councillor says "The statue should have a hand pointing to Hungary, so the Hungarians would know we're watching them". Another one proposes that "in one hand, Iancu should hold a noose, so they would know what to expect should they try to steal Transilvania". Another councillor proposes that "there should be a Hungarian in the noose". Then, a nationalist councilor says "I agree but with one condition, we must change the Hungarian every day"

A Romanian, A gypsy and a Hungarian were fishing on a lake. At one moment their lines get tangled, and all three of them catch a golden fish which tell them that he will grant each one wish.
The Hungarian says " I want me and all my fellow Hungarians to be wealthy and happy in Hungary", the fish grants his wish and he disappears. The gypsy asks the fish to give him and all his brethren a country of their of their own, wealth and happiness. Granted says the fish, and the gypsy vanishes. The Romanian, astonished, looks around then asks the fish, "Are the Hungarians in Hungary?", "Yes", "All of them", "Yes", "Are all the gypsies in a country of their own?", "Yes", "All of them?", "Sure", he stares at the fish and says... "I'll have a Pepsi light"

War began between Hungary and Romania...The Hungarians had already invaded the North-East of Romania. The fight was heroic but none of the armies advanced, or gained field. Then a Romanian General comes up with a plan... whenever the Romanians got close to the Hungarian trenches every soldier yelled ," Hey , Janos!". Every Hungarian would stand and proudly say,"Yes", so that the Romanians could whack them This strategy lasted about three days, until the Hungarians finally figured it out. Then a Hungarian General tried to apply the same plan, yelling from the trenches...
"Hey Ion", from the opposite trench, the Romanian answers : "Ion's not here at the moment, but who's asking? Is it you Janos ? At which point the Hungarian General gets up on his feet and says "Yes"...



Q: Why did Hitler kill himself?
A: He couldn't pay the Gas Bill.

Q: What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germany's best comedian?
A: Only the first one can make you smile.

Q: Have you heard about the new German microwave ?
A: It's got ten seats inside.

Q: Why don't Jewish cannibals like eating Germans?
A: They give them gas.

Q: What do you call a blind German?
A: A Not See (Nazi)

Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a German?
A: A Beaner-Schnitzel

Q: Why do they bury Germans 20 metres under?
A: Because deep down they are really nice.

Q: Why do German plumber confuse water pipes with gas lines?
A: Old habits die hard.

Q: Why are there so many tree lined streets and leafy lanes in France?
A: Germans like to march in the shade.

Q: Why do Germans build such high-quality products?A:
So they won`t have to go around being nice while they fix them

There were three American pilots captured by Germans in WWII. The Germans thought up a way to make the pilots crack and tell what they knew. They made them stand at attention, turn their heads from side to side and say, "Tick - Tock" over and over.After about three hours, the first pilot cracked and started telling all he knew, signing everything they put in front of him.An hour later, the second pilot cracked and started confessing to things that he didn`t even do.The third pilot was fighting hard not to crack. He was about half-way cracked. He was turning his head to one side only and saying, "Tick...Tick...Tick..."The German officer in charge went up to him and said, "You thinks you iss so schmart! But I`m telling you dot vee haf vays to make you TOCK!"

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time.""Ya, that will be done," says the German.The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."The German replies, " ya."The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!."

What did the German kid say when he pushed his brother off a cliff?
"Look, mother, no Hans!"


The best of wishes to you all.
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As these are only jokes I ask any potential German or Hungarian reader, not to feel offended. Thank you