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Hello eRepublikans,

Thanks to those that entered the joke competition.

The jokes are:

Jimbofrey:

What's the difference between baked beans and pea soup?

Anyone can bake beans

Emergy Maxfell:

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.

She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

surferdude:

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well .........?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."

cronosyn:

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his zipper. He orders a whiskey, and the barkeep says, "Sure. I'll even give it to you for free, if you tell me what that wheel is all about." The pirate sighs, looks the barkeep in the eyes and says, "Arrr. It's Drivin' me nuts."

Orinocco:

Rabbit and bear are taking a dump together in the woods, bear turns to Rabbit and asks, " do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur " and rabbit responds "no", so bear picks up rabbit and wipes his arse with him.

nathaner:

what did the engineer say to the other engineer when he gave him the 21st armored vehicle prototype ?

"tank u ? "

Calross:

The economy module.

FightAndProduce

I get more action than Jimmy Saville at a NHS ward.

Inb4printscreenandsomeonedenouncingmeasaofffensivepersonsadfaicsadfaicsadfaic.



Prizes

So the top prize goes to: Emergy Maxfell

Second goes to: cronosyn

Third goes to: Calross

Thanks to all the jokes entered, all were very good.

A final joke for you:

3 men walk in to a bar The first guy says "I have the smallest arm in the world".
The second guy says "I have the smallest head in the world".
The third guy says "I have the smallest dick in the world".
They all go to the Guinness Book of World records.
The first guy comes back and says "I really have the smallest arm in the world".
The seconds guy returns and says "I have the smallest head in the world".
The third guy comes back and angrily says "WHO THE HELL IS JUSTIN BIEBER"

Have A Great Day,

Orangepeel