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Another Leak In The Wellness Wall

Yesterday this newspaper reported on a lack of hospitals; today, we must report about a lack of houses! Just like hospitals, houses increase the wellness of a citizen, crucial for he or she to stay alive and also to defend South Africa in event of a war; yet when we checked the real estate lists in the marketplace, there is only ONE house on sale.

Why are houses for citizens good for defence and the strength of eSA? We asked the same expert on the matter as we did for the hospital; he replied that, “Houses give owners a daily boost of wellness; they can aid in defense efforts in that aspect as they help increase the wellness of soldiers once each day, just like hospitals.”

So while not as crucial to military efforts as hospitals, houses do play a role; yet only a few, select citizens own them.

Also, houses are said to be able to aid in the military defence efforts since they increase the wellness of a citizen by one each day, offsetting the effect of working or training, and in the long term, if the citizen buys food to get more wellness, he’ll need less food and will have more money to use to get more wellness for himself if he fights in a war.

As before, various government and political party officials were unavailable for comment.

The Marketplace: Updates on Food

So Fried Rice has gone to Quality 3 food! South Africa finally has an indigenous company that can compete with the massive overpricing that Seductive Foods (owned by Romania’s Seductive Group) had for the 3 Star product (10.45 ZAR; the mayor of Mmabatho, Deus Ex, was overheard saying that “SEDUCTIVE still epic fails at food prices”); the company, however, is currently out of stock. Sumah’s Restaurant, meanwhile, has lowered its price to become the cheapest Quality 1 food producer in the nation, selling at 0.55 ZAR; Blats Food, the former cheapest Q1 food seller, continues to sell at 0.76 ZAR after a sell-out earlier.

Bong Belly still sells the cheapest Quality 2 food, at an affordable 0.99 ZAR; the other Q2 Food producer, Corvinus Restaurant, a foreign-owned company from Hungary, sells at nearly 2 ZAR more. Lingonberry Farms, meanwhile, the last Q2 food merchant, has sold out.

And so the latest statistics on the cheapest food companies of each quality of foo😛

Quality 1 Foo😛 Sumah’s Restaurant @ 0.55 ZAR, down 50% from an earlier 1.10 ZAR

Quality 2 Foo😛 Bong Belly @ 0.99 ZAR, up by 0.01 ZAR, though still cheaper than the other Q2 food producer with stock

Quality 3 Foo😛 -NIL- (SEDUCTIVE’s price is too high for consideration and Fried Rice is sold out; we hope that the workers there will go to work making the citizens of eSA cheap and affordable Q3 food soon!)

The Marketplace: Quality Weapons Still Lacking

Currently, only Quality 1 and 2 weapons are sold in South Africa; 4 Q1 companies are South African, 1 is foreign (SpaghettiKatana Weapons of Japan); and there is only 1 Q2 weapons producer, New Guns, of South Africa.

The trouble is, quality weapons are needed if South Africa wants to defend herself against such nations as the Japs, who own half of actual South Africa after their invasion; and so this journalist does hope that some companies will upgrade themselves and the workers will too such that we may be able to buy Q3, maybe even Q4, (dare we imagine it!) weapons, and defend ourselves against any future invasions.

The Opinion Column: Hospitals and Houses

So, this paper has reported about the lack of hospital and house supplies in South Africa, let alone quality ones; now the question is, what do we do?

There are several possibilities put forth by different citizens; we could elect a government that promises to use money to make a hospital; we could gather prominent citizens and bring all the productivity and money together, all chip in, so we could make a hospital that’s top-notch after working hard for it. As for the housing crisis, it’s a hard nut to crack, just like the hospital puzzle: we would need to gather people skilled at house-building and use those people to make good, affordable houses that we can buy.

Bulletin Board

-General manager Brendan E. Austerion continues to urge readers to subscribe, saying that he thanks all subscribers for doing their part in thanking the efforts of the journalists of this paper.

-The story ‘The Darkness’ will continue soon; see Part 1 at http://www.erepublik.com/article-548012.html

-A good logo for the newspaper continues to be sought; the person who submits the winning logo will be given a gift!

-South Africa is 22nd out of 44 countries, with 3029 points.

-President Hull of the Free Africa Party remains inactive; he has not stepped out of his Q4 house in days and his wellness is unknown. When we asked the police department, they reported that if he isn’t spotted in 7 days they’re going to have to authorize a search warrant to find him and will be breaking down his expensive gold-plated gate.

-The next general elections will occur in 9 days!