Invade Canada To Save Canada!

Day 1,147, 14:24 • Published in USA USA • by SamWystan

SPECIAL WAR Issue
"I leave it to your discretion to strike or not, but the American colors must not be pulled down over my head today." ~Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry


WAR!
Head Moose of Canada Wes Lewis today sent a bill to the Canadian Congress to declare the United States their natural enemy, which would immediately inaugurate war between the two countries. At the time of writing the bill looks assured to be defeated, as the majority of the Canadian Congress appears to be stunned in disbelief.

Further investigation has revealed that the Canadian government has been taken over by what appears to be a hostile force, operating under Mr. Lewis' name. The force has robbed the Canadian National Defense fund. Jsboutin (apparently a member of the Canadian Armed Forces high command) has taken control of the remaining sections of the government and has said that he fully intends to return functioning of control back to the government once the situation has been handled.


(Canadian Forces loyal to Mr. Lewis storm Washington state)

But you, loyal readers, might have noticed this is a war edition of The Fieldist, and to this I say, we must take back Canada for the Canadians! For we hear our sisters and brothers to north cry out! The Lewis Regime must be toppled.

We have heard disturbing reports. Babies glazed in maple syrup. Men forced to fell trees, senselessly. Women forced to wear snowshoes! Snowshoes! What kind of oppressive dictatorship is Mr. Lewis running up north?

Last month, we avenged the horrible defeat in Mexico under Uncle Sam. This month, we must avenge our first defeat in Canada! While at the same time, liberating the Canadian people from their oppressors! Afterwards, we can let them rebuild their country, and we can assist them in doing so!


(Remember our wars! Invade Canada!)

President Haliman must propose an act to Congress to declare war on Canada. It is the only humane thing to do. Congress must pass it immediately. We must invade them to save them. Fear not about resistance, for the Canadian people will welcome us a liberators! Their American siblings.

I sincerely doubt that the cowards in the Administration and Congress will have the guts to do this, having already wasted their time declaring the Dioist Holy Land of Pakistan our natural enemy instead, which Secretary of the Media Athanaric has done.

Write your Senator, write the President. Tell them, "Canada, or GTFO!"

To war, my friends! To war!


(Seriously, how many times do I have to say it?)

Wystan's Raiders: We Rock



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