If you dont like it - go to russia! (H. J. Simpson)

Day 878, 02:02 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by wolfestain

Hello mates! Heres my third article and today its time to make some jokes about russians.


A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."

The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want,so make me piss vodka."

The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.

The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.

Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka." His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.

The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him, "but Boris, why do we need only one glass?"
Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle."



My mate's opened up a new chain of coffee shops in Russia.

It's called Tsarbucks.

When the Russians were accused of being behind the assassination attempt on the Pope, the KGB said they'd thoroughly investigate the matter.
After exhaustive interviews and countless viewing of video tapes, it became clear that the Pope opened fire first.

Why do the police in Russia travel in threes?

They need one who is able to read, another who can write, and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

I found out today that i don't like spinning.

I think I may be Russian.

After one Revolution I'm fucked.

Apple introduced a new phone designed for Russian Intelligence.

The iSpy

And thats it! I havent made up theme for tomorrow yet, but ill come up with something soon. Any suggestions?
Thank you for reading, hope you had fun! Subscribe to get new jokes tomorrow! Cheers!