Penguin Bowling

So I want to share with you my tl;dr experience of playing eRepublik. Don't worry, it won't be nearly as long as some other butthurt monstrosity I spent way too much on ads for. Think of the redux as a fine espresso made of the tears of liars and thieves.

And speaking of, I want to thank the kind hosts here. I know I probably won't get a reply cause it's a lot of work breaking what little of this game that is still fun.

I'm writing this now because once I was a tender young nublet, and like some shadowy figure in a graphic novel too cheap to use more than a silhouette, this game pounced on my innate need for detatched social interaction and scrambled my tender bits in the matter of a single night.

But after that experience I was changed forever. I was like Neo in a Matrix world drawn in crayon, which required no more than 640k RAM to run and probably needed punch cards to cold boot. I saw the order in the system, and it was scribbled on the back of a Denny's kids menu. To their credit it's quite difficult to draw a hex grid freehand.

I spent my time making fun of guys who play graphical MMO's like WoW while I sat on a browser game that let you click a few buttons a day. Utilitarianism? Nah, this game doesn't work well enough for that. Neo-Minimalism? Nah, too much RAWR. Sado-Masochism? Nah, it's supposed to feel good after a while.

All of the recent changes sounded great on paper, but sucked donkey balls in practice. I know it must be hard to make the game more balanced when there is obviously a backlog of slutty women that must be drawn and inked, but you could have made an attempt. I was counting on that as I sat idly by and watched this game swirl around the drain for far too long.

Either way, I want to congratulate someone on making the most useless site on the Internet, AND THEN connecting it to Facebook. If somehow you manage to link Blogger accounts, it will cause a singularity that will destroy us all.

(scratch that last comment, since you guys obviously arrange your ideas in reverse intelligent order, and I might have inadvertently blurted out the next addition. D'oh!)