Hygiene and Mudslinging

Day 1,725, 22:46 • Published in USA USA • by Paul Proteus
Celebrating 96 issues of lazy reporting


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Welcome to Goodbye Blue Monday, this article is divided into two parts:

-America Coated in Mud from Dirty Election
-[Clever Title about Hard Worker Medals Here]

"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you"

America Still Feels Dirty After Last Election

eDC, Day 1725 Reporting on the scene, a whole five days after the last election Americans reportedly still complain of a feeling of general dirtiness left over from the election's excessive mudslinging and unearthed shit. While a thin coating of mud after elections is normal, this election appears to have been extraordinary in the total amount of mud slung.


Democracy in Action

Reasons given for the current amount of feces riddling eAmerikan streets vary, but we here at Goodbye Blue Monday are pretty sure it has something to do with people claiming they left their gloves in the pizza and that this is leading to anarchy. Though we are unsure quite what this means we have commissioned artists to come up with what this might be:


The State of the Union

In the the days leading up to and the final hours of this election shit was flung from both sides as grumbling masses flipped out over the prospect of their "hell spawn" enemy winning. It reached great heights of ridiculosity. The result of this panicked fervor lead to a national coating of mud covering our country like a blanket. In any case, as we enter several days of country wide bathing we can all agree that this is hilarious. No news yet on how this will affect the economy.

Hard Worker? Moar liek Hardly Working Medal

Are the current rules for Hard Worker medals making us lazier? That is the question researchers grapple with, or they would if they had showed up to work.

The Once Prestigious Award

Since Admins have changed the rules regarding the sought after 5 gold prize, you can now achieve the medal from 30 days of discontinuous work. This generic line graph I found on google images proves that this is causing our country's work ethic to decline at what I assume is a worrying pace!

Graphs get votes right?

Mainly I feel dirty getting Hard Worker medals when I miss a day :3

In other news Plato to introduce q1000 weapon soon, costing only 1000 gold per use, you heard it here first~
Your Moment of Zen:



That's all,
Stay Sexy 'Murrica