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Friendly fire – isn’t.

Recoilless rifles – aren’t.

Suppressive fires – won’t.

You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

A sucking chest wound is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down.

If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste
a bullet on you.

If at first you don’t succeed, call in an airstrike.

The enemy attacks on two ocasions: when he’s ready and when your not

If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short

All 5 second grenade fuses burn down in 3 seconds

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

When your attack is going really well, its an ambush

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

The enemy diversion you’re ignoring is their main attack.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they’re ready. & when
you’re not.

No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

The easy way is always mined.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

Don’t look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

If the enemy is within range, so are you.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren’t.

Things that must work together, can’t be carried to the field that way.

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won’t be able to get out.

Tracers work both ways.

If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than
your fair share of objectives to take.

When both sides are convinced they’re about to lose, they’re both right.

Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

Fortify your front; you’ll get your rear shot up.

Weather ain’t neutral.

If you can’t remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.

Air defense motto: shoot ‘em down; sort ‘em out on the ground.

‘Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it’ll go.

The Cavalry doesn’t always come to the rescue.

Napalm is an area support weapon.

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

Sniper’s motto: reach out and touch someone.

Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.

The one item you need is always in short supply.

Interchangeable parts aren’t.

It’s not the one with your name on it; it’s the one addressed “to whom
it may concern” you’ve got to think about.

When in doubt, empty your magazine.

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may
have misjudged the situation.

If two things are required to make something work, they will never be shipped together.

Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and
miss.

If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

You’ll only remember your hand grenades when the sound is too close to use them.

Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Well .. It could be worse: It could be raining .. and we could be out in it.

So he said, “Cheer up: it could be worse!” So we cheered up. And it
got worse.

The spare batteries for the PRC-whatever your troops have been carrying are
either nearly dead or for the wrong radio.

The ping you heard was the antenna snapping off at 6 inches above the flexmount, while a fire mission was being called in on a battalion of hostiles who know your position.

Why is it the CO sticks his head in your radio hooch to see if anything has
come down from DIV when you are listening to the VOA broadcasting the baseball games?

How come you are on one frequency when everyone else is on another?

Why does your 500-watt VRC-26 (real old) not make it across 200 miles while
a ham with 50 watts on the same MARS frequency can be heard from Stateside?

Know why short RTOs have long whips on their radios? So someone can find them when they step in deep water.

The enemy “Alway’s” times his attack, to the second you drop your pant’s in
the Latrine!!

The ammo you new “NOW”!! is on the “Next” airdrop!!

Field experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

If your ambush is properly set the enemy won’t walk into it.

The only time you have too much fuel loaded is when your aircraft is on fire.

Phillip’s Law:

Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.

Weatherwax’s Postulate:

The degree to which you overreact to information will be in inverse proportion to its accuracy.

Least Credible Sentences:

1. The check is in the mail.

2. The trucks will be on the drop zone.

3. Of course I’ll respect you in the morning.

4. I’m from the government and I’m here to help you.

Brintnall’s Second Law:

If you receive two contradictory orders, obey them both.

Pavlu’s Rules for Economy in Decision Papers:

1. Refute the last established recommendation.

2. Add yours.

3. Pass the paper on.

Lackland’s Laws:

1. Never be first.

2. Never be last.

3. Never volunteer for anything.

Napier’s Corollary

If all else fails hide.

Rune’s Rule:

If you don’t care where you are, you ain’t lost.

Law of Supply (also known as the Law of Gifts):

You get the most of what you need the least.

Hane’s Law:

There is no limit to how bad things can get.

Rules of a Gunfight

Avoid them like the plague

Be aware of what is going on around you by staying in condition yellow.

Have a plan or two. (If not, a “Last Will & Testament will do.)

Corollary: No plan survives contact with the enemy.

Bring at least one gun (don’t bring a knife).

Bring the biggest gun you can handle.

Bring friends (as friendly witnesses or fire support).*

Let close air support or artillery soften-up the target for you.

Make use of available cover.

Remember the difference between concealment and cover.

Don’t get shot (Use cover to your advantage).

Place your shots well.

Pay attention to where your shots fall.

“Speed’s fine, but accuracy is final.”

Don’t miss. (You can’t miss fast enough to win.)

Rules of drawing

If you’re the bad guy, draw & shoot first.

If you’re the good guy, draw second and shoot first.

Never turn your back on an armed bad guy, even if he’s down.

Rules of wounds

A “sucking chest wound” is nature’s way of telling you to slow down.

If you’re bleeding to death, say something witty.

If you’re actually dying, say something deep.

Never assume your opponent is out of ammo.

Bring lots of ammo.

In combat, you will be scared. You will have a tendency to shoot high.
Be aware of this and aim low.

Rules of quitting

Don’t quit just because you’re hit; GET EVEN!

Never quit, period.

There is no prize for second place.

There’s no such thing as “unfair advantage.”

He who lives to run away will live to run another day (the best strategy
is being somewhere else).

It is better to give than receive (Just like Christmas).

Professionals are predictable, it’s the amateurs that are dangerous.

Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

If your opponents didn’t have the courtesy to “Count Off!” before beginning,
assume that there’s one more somewhere.

When the cops pull up, think fast and move slow.

Say nothing afterwards but the Seven Magic Words: “I’d like to speak with
my attorney.”

Distribute press releases indicating you target belongs to a cult.*

Drop the one with the shotgun first.

Afterward, alter evidence to favor your position and plan for perjury.*

Use cutesy green-and-purple colored weapons and ammo so the press won’t
show any video of your non-evil-looking equipment. Fuzzy rifle-wrap works
best.

Insist on at least $50K from tabloid TV producers.