How to win a war like a Dioist

Day 1,078, 21:34 Published in India India by Pheenic

Note: "Dioist" is in quotation marks throughout the article because the "Dioists" I'm talking about aren't the real, Dio Brando Dioists. They're just a bunch of posers using Dio Brando's name for everything.

So in the past few weeks, we were attacked by Pakistan. We've been struggling, and have lost key regions, like Karnataka and Jarkhand. Well, through carefull research and hours of work (Not really), I have finally figured out how the "Dioists" in Pakistan do it. So here it is! How to win a war like a "Dioist"!

Step 1: Find a country
The way to do this like the "Dioists" is first find a list of all the country's in eRepublik. Cut their names out and put them in a hat. Then, close your eyes, and pull one out. Now, if the country you pulled out is to big for your liking, pick again! You see, you wouldn't be doing it like the "Dioists" if you actually challenged yourself and went to a strong country! The correct way is to pick a small, perfectly happy country that wouldn't hurt anyone and PTO them! So once you've picked your country, transport all your fellow friends to that country and move on to Step 2. But here's something that's very important. You have to gather a large group of people to accomplish this.

Optional Step: Steal a religion!
Here's an optional step. After you've PTO'ed the country, take that country's religion, pretend you worship their God, and then act like you're experts on that religion. Pretend that their God would approve of you, when in reality he would drop kick you around the world twice if he could. This is great as it gives you a reason to do everything. Pretend the name of your God is, I don't know, Dio Brando. Using that:

-I'm creating this political party in the name of Dio Brando.

-I'm attacking you guys because the great Dio Brando calls for it.

-I'm a terrible insulter because Dio Brando approves of it.

See how great it works?

Step 2: Pretend to be one of them
For the next step, you have to pretend like your a native of the country. Pretend to be friends with the Natives, while at the same time quietly creating your own political party, or joining a political party that already exists. You see, they'll think you're their friends. They'll be friendly to you and welcome you. Pretend to be overjoyed, and act nice and loving. Of course, the whole time you've got this devious plan, but here's a clever motto you can use at times like that: "No one needs to know".

Step 3: PTO them
Now the elections are coming around. It's time to PTO them! You'll have such a large group, the Natives complains will be drowned out! But don't feel bad. After all, your friends with the Natives, right? Who listens to those people who claim they were there first, or that you guys are PTO'ers? More people agree with you, right? No matter that those people are your friends that agree with you. No one needs to know. Soon, when the Presidential Elections come by, use your big group of people to take the Presidency seat. But it's fine, because this is your country too! You've been there for what, a month? That's almost as much as the so-called Natives who have been there for over a year working hard. They don't matter. Remember that since more people agree with you, you're important.

Step 4: Propaganda time!
Everyone's favorite part! So now that you've won the Congressional and Presidential Elections, choose a weak neighbor of yours and start writing propaganda in their media! Claim that you're going to attack them for some reason, like how they attacked "your" country. But don't mention the fact that they attacked "your" country several months ago. Make it sound like it was practically yesterday. But the most important key to this is that it has to be terrible propaganda. You wouldn't be doing it like a "Dioist" if it was good, right? It was to be terrible! So get all your friends, and write terrible, terrible, terrible!

Step 5: Attack!
Time to attack! So now that you've aggravated them with terrible propaganda, attack them! Never mention the fact that you have a lot more citizens than them. Win a few battles, and then insult them like crazy for being so weak and dumb. The way the "Dioists" do it is they win some battles with their large PTO population, and then pretend like they did it through hard work. This is very effective. So, using many allies, conquer this country, and wipe the smiles of their faces!

Step 6: Lose the regions
This guide wouldn't be an authentic "Dioist" war guide if it didn't involve losing at some point. So after you've conquered them, lose a few RW's on accident! But when that happens, mock them for not taking back any more regions! If they take back a lot of regions, mock them for being dumb! Mock them for something! You're terrible at insults, so this shouldn't be hard, right? So, mock them away. But remember, do it terribly!

Step 7: Grow bored and leave, but make your exit fancy
So now you've grown bored. The country you conquered is ignoring you. Who are you going to ignore? Now, there's only one thing left: Leave, but make it memorable. Start writing even more propaganda than usual, but quietly start exiting. Soon, when everyone in your group is gone, leave the country you ruined, sorry, I mean "your" country you helped to its original Natives, and exit the scene. Then, write articles claiming the whole thing was a success, and go back to Step 1! You'll experience much success, but of course, like the "Dioists", all wars have to fall apart sometime, right?

Good luck, and remember. "No one needs to know"!