How to fight a war like a Serbian:A guide to the word!

Day 876, 08:11 • Published in India India • by Pheenic

Our comrades in Serbia have been writing articles in our media about how we all fail, are not cool, and are generally the lowest in the world. But through clever research(Not really), I have come to the conclusion that they aren't doing it just to annoy us. It's all part of a plan to take us over! But I have decided to write this guide so we can do the same. Read it carefully, so you can be a Serbian too!

Step 1-Find an enemy
The Serbians have a very, very complicated and advanced way of choosing their place of destination to attack. It involves taping a map of all the neutral, helpless country's in the world to a wall, and then throwing darts at it. The country hit with the most darts gets to be the lucky one! Isn't your mind boggling from that method? So after you've decided who to attack, then what?

Step 2-Surround them
The next thing to do is surround them. How else are you going to intimdiate and conquer the enemy country? Using a land bridge, surround them, mocking them all the way. Waste thousands of gold, and finally reach them. Threaten to declare war, and talk about how you could win a war against them easily, but don't actually declare war yourself. Wait until they do it. That way it looks like you declared war and are brave and strong! Now on to the next step!

Step 3-Heckle them like crazy!
No war was won without heckling, right? So, for the next step, gather around all of your media friends. Then go writing articles in the enemy country's media! Simple, right? But what do you write? Taking from example of the Serbians, write articles about how everyone in the enemy country fails. Include pictures about the other country that aren't even related to the them, their culture, or their lives. Never include reasons of why they fail. Only say they fail. It's much more effective that way.

Step 4-To war, to war!
What's that? They're declaring war? You expected that! Now this small, neutral country will get wiped out! Isn't it great? Now take Step 2 up a notch. Heckle them even more. You can use this for your articles:

"Country X, you fail. You can't do anything right. Why would you dare declare war on us? We did nothing to you. You fail to the utmost level. You're so dumb!"

See? Even though you lied about how you did nothing to them, they'll be so angry they won't realize it! So now go around organizing an army. But what you need to remember is, this war could go either way. So get some strong friends in your ally countries to help out. But remember, don't let anyone, especially in the enemy country, know about this! A country like yours, asking for help? This way, you can brag about fighting the war alone, when really, you're not.

Step 5-They're winning?
This guide on how to fight the Serbian way would be improper if it didn't involve losing at some point. Now, the enemy country is bound to use it's allies to win. So now what? Well, write even more articles about how they cheat, are cowards, and use allies to win, and aren't brave like you and your comrades. Of course, that's false, as you're actually using allied power to fight the war, but they don't need to know that. So go all out now. Waste thousands of gold. Win a battle or two to make yourself look good. But, like all Serbian war plans, you'll have to fail sometime. So onto the next and final step!

Step 6-Retreat, but make yourself look good!
So now they've won all their regions back, and are coming for yours. The best thing to do now is retreat to your original country/land/continent, and beckon them. When they refuse to come due to the fact that your allies are there too, insult them and call them cowards, all the while moving back to your original land ever so slowly. Soon, you'll be back home, and you can still act like you won the war, due to the fact that they're not attacking you. Now the only thing to do left is go back to Step 1. It'll make you and your country look even better!

So now you know how to fight a war like a Serbian! Looking at Serbia, this has shown to be very effective. The downside to this is it can make your countrymen think they are hilarious, though this has only been recorded in one country(I wonder who...). Other than that, this is a very effective way to fight a war. So next time you use it, thank the Serbians!