How I became a troll

Day 1,063, 07:44 • Published in New Zealand Republic of Moldova • by Ion Anapoda
Motto:
Troll has no interest in your purse -
No coin of the realm will do;
If you offer gold he may strike you cold
And take his toll from you!
John Bliven Morin, Troll

Two major events happened in my e-life yesterday: one refers to the fact that all my requests have been accepted and I became a kiwi like most of the people here, and the second refers to me as the first troll of this country.

Now, to be frank, I dont know what really happened there and I am still questioning myself about it, and that is because both of these events werent planned at all and took me by complete surprise.

First of all, I have to tell you that I was misinformed. I was told that I will find here sheep. Lots of sheep, they said, and that is why I prepared myself to become a wolf. You can imagine how beautiful my dream was: a wolf among the sheep! It took me some time of course and I dreamed a lot, but when I finally came here three days ago, I thought I would be the happiest wolf in the world.

You can imagine now what a huge surprise I had yesterday when I found out that there are no sheep here, only kiwis. What a hell is a wolf going to do among the kiwis? I cried. They are not like sheep. They are birds. Can a wolf hunt birds? I dont think so. But nobody could hear me.

Finally, in this state of complete distress I decided to accept my faith and try to become a kiwi. Maybe a kiwi is not a wolf, I said to myself, but it is not as bad as a sheep either. So, I put myself in another state of mind and I started to jump here and there like a real kiwi.

And that was the moment when the second event came upon me like a storm. Something happened in the air or maybe just in my mind, I dont know for sure, and the next thing I know is that I am a troll. A real troll, I mean. I look like one, I behave like one, and I even say stupid things like they all do.

Now, people, beware of the troll! He is here, he is dangerous, he is stubborn and stupid as a real troll can be...

English is not my native language, so all mistakes are regrettable and not intentional.