HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT DO WE DO

Day 932, 16:18 • Published in USA USA • by TheHypnotoad


OH MY GOD THE COMMIES ARE INVADING! WHAT DO WE DO MR. SEXYFACE?!?!?


That's me. I'm Mr. Sexyface, of course.

Worry not, random person who was unfortunate enough to be sucked into my article, I will show you exactly what to do in 6 easy steps.

1) Relax

You need to be all like....chill, dude. Like this clearly awesome cat.

Simple enough, right? Just catch your breath. Take a break, watch some TV or something. Have a beer, enjoy life. Here, I even got you a picture of a pretty beach that you can imagine you're on doing some cool shit.



All done with that? Relaxed? Ready to move on? Good, let's go to step 2.

2) Panic

What was the point in step 1 you ask? Fuck you, that's what.

Yes, panic. Russia's invading for fuck's sake, what else would you do? I mean, we COULD all look at this rationally and go about our daily lives as we normally would, but where's the fun in that? When in doubt, run around screaming and waving your arms over your head, that's what momma used to say. Oh, also, light shit on fire. What could possibly counter an attack more successfully than a panicky riot? Probably a lot of things, but that's a shitty way of operating.



3) Demand action


Take to the streets, use those shouts, rant on the forum, spam members of congress, bitch to this guy, whatever, just do SOMETHING. Cry about it to anyone that will listen, bitch and moan until we make a tactically retarded, but all the same awesome move like, oh, I don't know, attacking every damn region that surrounds us (sorry Canada).

4) Move to Colorado


Does it have a Q5 hospital? No. Are there valuable resources there? No. Is it a new fortress region? No. However, seeing as Russia invaded once before and couldn't make it past Colorado due to some random kids who apparently rival the Russian army in skill, it seems like it might work again. This brings me to my next point.

5) Join the Wolverines

The logo alone makes me want to join.

This incredibly not fake organization single-handedly stopped Russia from taking over the entire country. So, like, change your avatar or something, fight Russia like a true badass.

6) Disregard that


Yeah, pretty much ignore everything I just told you. While awesome, it's pretty much all a bad idea (except maybe steps 2 and 5).

So, I got bored by the time I made it this far, so that's all you get today. Accept it and go on with your lives (or bitch and moan and be ridiculed next time I feel up to writing).