Glorious leader's call for reunification: The Chinese Threat

Day 504, 09:01 • Published in South Korea China • by Serpentus Burritos

It is with great sorrow that I find myself having to write this letter to all of you. For, just yesterday, we celebrated the victory of Glorious Leader and it seemed as if the world had smiled upon us and offered us everything. Now, we find ourselves standing upon the precipice of a difficult time. Our country is divided. Our people are divided. Our enemies have seen this, and they seek to capitalize upon it.

The Chinese are voting now in their congress to declare war on us, with a unanimous majority. They blame the comments of a few of our citizens as being reason for war. Let it be known from hereon, that we do not lay down quietly while our enemies stir. It is time for the unification of the South Korean people, whether you agree with the immortal words of Glorious Leader or not, there remains a bond between us which cannot be broken. We are South Koreans. Many citizens were born here, this land, this culture and this place runs through our veins. Many have wondered if this new Goon Administration was here merely to run the country into poverty, as we have been perceived to do in the past. This is not so. The Goon Armies of Glorious Leader want only the best for the places in which we dwell; we seek only to come as a boon to whatever beautiful country that we reside, and today, that is South Korea.

The future of South Korea remains cloudy, there are many unseen factors that are present. What is important for each citizen to know, is that even at this moment the new administration is rallying support and looking for those who would stand by us in these desperate times.

For now, think of the goons not as a group of outsiders who dwell among you. Today, there must not be any division among us. Together, we are South Koreans; Together, we are strong.

To the chinese who want war? We eagerly await your arrival.

- Serpentus, Minister of Neckbeards, Fatties and Cheetos