First Blanket

Day 1,386, 14:58 • Published in USA USA • by PencilPal

Hello and welcome to the Poor Man's Blanket. I'm your man behind the desk, Pencil Pal.


I named this paper the Poor Man's Blanket for a few reasons. The first one being that I want for my opinions to be treated with all the respect, dignity, and contemplation that a homeless man treats his blanket with. Just because I have the pathological need to express myself doesn't mean one should listen. Secondly, seeing as this is a daily paper, it will soon be so plentiful that were it a physical paper instead of online that it would be able to keep every beggar in New York warm for a night. Long story short: My newspaper is shit, so I will overwhelm you with volume.
On to the news!


Today, I speak to you on the first day of A^3 (the Alexander Auctoritas Administration). He won with a strong victory, receiving more than 50% of the vote. The United States obviously believe in the militaristic anti-Spain campaign that he ran, and are eager to see the President stick one to their enemies. We at the Poor Man's Blanket wish him luck with his term.

An interesting side-story to the election was the side-competition between Libertarian Paul Proteus and Pizza the Hut for third place. Paul was vastly favorited to beat him, being calling part of the "Top Three" candidates in many papers, many of which ignored Pizza's presence at all. However, Pizza surged ahead of Paul early on election day. Paul's numbers didn't jump until after Gnilrap's concession speech encouraged his supporters to spite Pizza and vote for Paul. Pizza the Hut called this move shameless "dirty politics" showing his large disdain for the other candidates. Whether you believe the move dirty or not, it was unsuccessful leaving Paul 8 votes short of third place.

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