Finish your week with these nice jokes.

Day 475, 02:11 • Published in Canada Croatia • by iExcellent

Hello, everyone!
My father's best friend just got fired due to the crisis we are having nowadays, so I've decided to tell you a few jokes I have heard about a week ago; a good joke will always make us feel better. 🙂
Hope this works.

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1. You are on the bus when you suddenly realize you need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down and that's when you realize you have been listening to your iPod.

2. Little Boris goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?" After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, honey, God is both male and female." This confuses Little Boris, so he asks, "Is God black or white?" "Well, God is both black and white." This further confuses him so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?" At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless, "Honey, God is both gay and straight." At this Little Boris's face lights up with understanding and he announces, "Mom, I know who God is!" and his mother replies doubtfully, "Tell me, honey!" And then Little Boris smiled and sai😛 "God is Michael Jackson!"

3. This 60 year old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above
"You will live to be 100."
She looked around and didn't see anyone. Again she heard "You will live to be 100."
Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I've got 40 more years to live!
So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed from head to toe.
When she left the plastic surgeon's office, she got hit by a bus,died, and went up to heaven.
She said to God "You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?".
God sai😛 "I didn't recognize you".

4. Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead?
The blonde - she is eighteen.

5. A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

6. After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams"

7. A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.
The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied, "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either."
"Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"
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I hope these jokes helped you just as they helped me smile and look at the bright side of everything.
Credit goes to several people who gave me these jokes, I cannot specify their names because I do not exactly know who they are; the jokes were saved on my computer.

Have a great weekend!