Join the new world

EXPOSED!! -- Secrets of the Socialist Freedom Party



In a shocking development, unaparalled in the annals of eRepublikan shocking developments, an old mole who's tunnelled deep within the lair of the Socialist Freedom Party has revealed for the first time anywhere the secret inner workings of this bizarre cult.

Warning to readers: you may find some this material nauseatingly shocking, or virtually ungabelievagable, or even mildly disturbing, or perhaps even just ever-so-slightly more upsetting than the aardvark pornography rumoured to be stockpiled in the Enclave's underground bunker.

Anyhoo, this dirt comes straight from an inpeccable source named Oskar della Wild . If you have any complaints or corrections, Oskar hides out in a dark corner at the back of the SFP burrow during those crazy underground SFP raves. He's the one with the silly hat. Use the code word "diphthong" in a sentence and he'll know that you're safe to talk to.

Oskar emerged from a hole in the ground during a brief lull in the SFP's never-ending subversive underground activities. At the time, all of the party faithful -- except for Alex Lorre -- had ventured out of their lair to buy new guitar strings. Alex refused to buy new guitar strings because their manufacturers use non-organic processes. Also he was busy with something else.

These words are verbatim transcripts from that interview. Not realizing that yours truly is actually an SFP member, Oskar just assumed that PQ was some decrepit old dude getting sloshed at the bar. Which is also true, but that's not relevant.

OdW: Dude! You would not believe what goes on in that SFP!
PQ: Mmmm, mojitos! Wut? Did you say something? Stop whispering, man, I'm an old fart with bad hearing.

OdW: Like, did you know that they're socialists!
PQ: BFD. Everybody likes to socialize. What are you, anti-social or something?

OdW: No. No. They're Socialists!
PQ: [cold stare]

OdW: Isn't that weird? I mean, that's just so eeeeee-vil.
PQ: Are your pants on too tight? What the hell're you talking about?

OdW: I've been going to their meetings and stuff.They talk about stuff like communes and stuff and like being opposed to imperialism and stuff.
PQ: Get stuffed. [Turns away]

OdW: Well, you may not care, but I've heard that socialists are against freedom and stuff.
PQ: That's poppycock.

OdW: No, really. Like, some of 'em even talk about workers running their own companies. I mean, that is totally anti-capitalist.
PQ: Bartender, a gin fizz please. And keep 'em coming.

OdW: I mean, if they succeed with that commune business, then capitalism in eRepublik is totally pooched!
PQ: Hmmm...right. So... how far along d'ya think they are with that nefarious scheme?

OdW: Oh jeez, mister, they've already got enough communal manufacturing going on to supply a military organization!
PQ: Rilly! And what are they doing with that? Aiding and abetting the enemy or something?

OdW: Well. No. They offer tutelage to new fighters. And they've supported all kindsa resistance wars against regions occupied by PEACE. And, well.. they fight in battles according to DoD orders. But isn't it obvious... that's all part of their socialization plan!
PQ: I see.

OdW: Yeah.
PQ: Thanks, barkeep. [sips his gin fizz] No, actually, I don't see. What the eff are you babbling about?

OdW: They're burrowing in, y'see? Making all nice with the government and the military, getting that hippie Jude Connors elected to Congress, helping to liberate occupied regions, mentoring new players. I'm tellin' ya, they're everywhere!
PQ: Bolsheviks hiding under your bed, eh?

OdW: What? They're under my bed, too! OMG! Wait 'til Ajay Bruno hears about that. His head will explode!
PQ: Ha-ha! Now that's a pleasant thought.

OdW: Oh, you're just a mean old man.
PQ: Thanks. So... the SFP are everywhere?

OdW: You can say that again.
PQ: The SFP are everywhere.

OdW: Yeah! Hey, how did you know that? [looks at PQ suspiciously]
PQ: [looks at OdW like he's a bug] Well. It's not exactly a secret that one of the most-widely read commentators in eRepublik is a former SFP member. Or that the SFP are active members of the Internationale and keep in touch with other lefties and communalists around the e-World.

OdW: The Inter-what?!?!
PQ: The Internationle. It's an organization where far-left parties around the world share ideas and coordinate actions.

OdW: OMFG! I heard Osmany Ramon talking about that one time. I thought he was just high on glue.
PQ: Actually, he's currently the Chairman of the Internationale.

OdW: [spits out his drink] Wut!!
PQ: Sure. The SFP is one of the most respected socialist parties in the e-World.

OdW: Hey... you sure seem to know alot about them...
PQ: [looks at his watch] Oh hey. Look at the time. Damn. I think I'm gonna be late for that Enclave webinar on "Callipygian aesthetics and the fallout of desire". [throws a pile of gold coins on the bar and stands up, somewhat unsteadily]

OdW: Wait! I haven't even told you about their crazy underground raves.
PQ: [sits back down] Do tell.

OdW: Well, almost every night, a bunch of 'em get together on the IRC and make Alex Lorre do funny stuff.
PQ: Funny how?

OdW: Wicked, wicked funny!
PQ: How so?

OdW: Totally, amazingly funny! Hee-hee! I'm laughing about it even now. It's so funny.
PQ: Never mind. I donn wanna know.

OdW: [wiping a tear of laughter from his eye] Heh-heh. Anyway. All that fun and games... obviously another part of their dastardly socialization program.
PQ: Yep. Look, man, I rilly, rilly gotta go. [rises up] Nice to meetcha, rilly.

OdW: You too, dude.

****

Next Time: A Resist! interview with Alex Lorre reveals the SHOCKING TRUTH behind e-Anarcho-Primativists: "Not Just Another Bunch of Role Playing Dimwits"