Prof. J Moriarty
Industry leaders and party officials at New Era have branded self-titled 'Sage' Goku Jones, reportedly aged between 3 and 12, idiotic after his latest scheme dramatically failed.
Believing that bribing citizens of the world to purchase his newspaper, "Fight for the New Era", would result in a higher profit for his newspaper, his scheme dramatically backfired after party officials pointed out the fatal flaw.
Reportedly Mr Jones, 9, after his scheme's failure
Jones, 6, gave every buyer, reportedly all Macedonians, £2.50 and a Twix for them to buy his newspaper, which costs 50p. The latest issue sold 199 copies, and reported issue losses of more than £200. This forced opposing party members to point and laugh as he scrambled to defend himself.
One key laughee was Godzilla Party President Rory Winterbourne, who decided to offer a free tank to everybody who wrote to the paper stating that this article had bought buyers. However, this initiative is doomed to fail, with the increasing pressure on the British tank industry forcing workers to go on strike.
There has been further uproar at the New Era Party, where the party Rottweiler has had his leash loosened, and is currently mauling the political baby that is the Independent Alliance. Dan Dopper, 42 in dog years, has been growling for a long while at others, and is expected to turn his undapper attention towards a certain newspaper in the coming future.
Madacaion and some Brian Cox impressionist have recorded a podcast/radio thingy, with guest star Elvis Trout (a former party member with myself at APP, in my less crazy days. I especially liked your second song Elvis.). Have a listen here: THIS IS THE RADIO THINGY!. Also, your Brian Cox impression is too deep.
Should Din Dupper be put back on his leash?
Is Jones really a sage, or more of a parsley?
Is the tank industry going to explode soon?
What time is it?
Love from SCANDALOUS. (100% Beef)
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