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EXCLUSIVE: NEWSPAPER PAYS PEOPLE TO BUY PAPER. REPORTS LOSSES!

Day 1,925, 11:26 Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom by Prof. J Moriarty

Industry leaders and party officials at New Era have branded self-titled 'Sage' Goku Jones, reportedly aged between 3 and 12, idiotic after his latest scheme dramatically failed.

Believing that bribing citizens of the world to purchase his newspaper, "Fight for the New Era", would result in a higher profit for his newspaper, his scheme dramatically backfired after party officials pointed out the fatal flaw.


Reportedly Mr Jones, 9, after his scheme's failure

Jones, 6, gave every buyer, reportedly all Macedonians, £2.50 and a Twix for them to buy his newspaper, which costs 50p. The latest issue sold 199 copies, and reported issue losses of more than £200. This forced opposing party members to point and laugh as he scrambled to defend himself.

One key laughee was Godzilla Party President Rory Winterbourne, who decided to offer a free tank to everybody who wrote to the paper stating that this article had bought buyers. However, this initiative is doomed to fail, with the increasing pressure on the British tank industry forcing workers to go on strike.



There has been further uproar at the New Era Party, where the party Rottweiler has had his leash loosened, and is currently mauling the political baby that is the Independent Alliance. Dan Dopper, 42 in dog years, has been growling for a long while at others, and is expected to turn his undapper attention towards a certain newspaper in the coming future.



Madacaion and some Brian Cox impressionist have recorded a podcast/radio thingy, with guest star Elvis Trout (a former party member with myself at APP, in my less crazy days. I especially liked your second song Elvis.). Have a listen here: THIS IS THE RADIO THINGY!. Also, your Brian Cox impression is too deep.




Should Din Dupper be put back on his leash?
Is Jones really a sage, or more of a parsley?
Is the tank industry going to explode soon?
What time is it?


Love from SCANDALOUS. (100% Beef)
 

Comments

Invalidation
Invalidation Day 1,925, 11:30

y
n
n
y

Mr Woldy
Mr Woldy Day 1,925, 11:33

hammer time

BigAnt
BigAnt Day 1,925, 12:14

UKPP, NE and OV growing, TUP and UKRP dying

= BAWWWW

GameChanger
GameChanger Day 1,925, 12:58

Whaaa?

UKRP has grown recently....

OV is dying

Prof. J Moriarty
Prof. J Moriarty Day 1,926, 09:37

I don't see a single mention of UKPP or OV, so you must be mistaken.

CptChazbeard
CptChazbeard Day 1,925, 12:58

Great to see Scandalous back

CptChazbeard
CptChazbeard Day 1,925, 15:21

Nein
Basil (Fawlty)
Non
Stop! Hammer time! (someone had to!)

Malkaiser
Malkaiser Day 1,925, 12:59

New Era has best ever congress results today?

I think 40g worth of medals for New Era and 55g across the whole coalition is actually... a profit when I've probally spent a 5g Gold max on advertising.

Owned!

mwcerberus
mwcerberus Day 1,925, 13:16

how you doing would you like to dance?

Carlini8
Carlini8 Day 1,925, 13:25

So you see running for congress as a money making method?

Prof. J Moriarty
Prof. J Moriarty Day 1,926, 09:38

Congratulations! We're all proud of you!

AdmiralNelson
AdmiralNelson Day 1,927, 00:52

gokus many acounts won the day

mwcerberus
mwcerberus Day 1,925, 13:13

neutered
imitation 5 spice
my cannon explodes on command only
dinner time fool

Madacaion
Madacaion Day 1,925, 13:20

Voted for an excellent radio show!

Joku Gones
Joku Gones Day 1,925, 13:44

Nice to hear I sound like Brian Cox...

Sexagenarian
Sexagenarian Day 1,925, 13:47

Sage? more like Rosemary I think

Horice G Fossil
Horice G Fossil Day 1,925, 14:09

N
N
Herbert
The sun is well over the yard arm

Horice (:

WayneKerr
WayneKerr Day 1,925, 15:23

Should Din Dupper be put back on his leash? Just needs a brisk walk round the block, use some energy up!
Is Jones really a sage, or more of a parsley? I like cress...
Is the tank industry going to explode soon? Only with frag rounds...
What time is it? It's impossible to know both speed and position...

Strength and Honur

AdmiralNelson
AdmiralNelson Day 1,927, 00:53

rage goku.don daiper.winnie the poo.new era for you

alexg737
alexg737 Day 1,927, 05:46

Did laugh. Did vote.

T White II
T White II Day 1,927, 09:08

lol

 
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