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York, Day 670

WPC Nicola Skirlls attended a pile up on the A64 today between a animal transporter and a pink Mini Cooper car and found a young woman at the wheel of her Mini Cooper. Nicola asked the girl her name and she could only say, Sharon. A paramedic arrived on the scene and asked Sharon where she was bleeding from and she said "Romford, mate".

WPC Skirlls said there were no other injured motorists but four pigs had to be put down for the Police Benevolent Fund Hog Roast to be held this weekend, tickets £5 a head. We understand a tasty pot roast is also being provided by the amateur cooks of the Drug Squad, so a heady mix of food and fun is in store for all who can remember it afterwards.

Picture shows star interrogator WPC Skirlls preparing to interview a suspect.