eRep Tutorial～How to ban the country president of another Nation? (有中文版)

Day 1,647, 04:06 • Published in Republic of China (Taiwan) Republic of China (Taiwan) • by yami no fukuin

　　
　　Hello, and to all fellow readers of the eWorld! Today I have read the article “RoC are you afraid to Gorilla”, and I am SO surprised that our “secretive” method of banning other people’s account had been found out! Well, I guess it’s not a secret anymore. In order to be fair to the eWorld, I will then disclose this information to everyone, so that everyone would know how to ban other people’s account!

　　Step 1: You need his birthday.

　　Like all other ancient curses of the world, to perform the secretive ritual of ban-this-person, you would need to know his birthday; and by this I mean the RL birthday, not the eRep birthday, or else the information would be too easy to obtain. The best method of getting this information is to pretend to want to give him a birthday “president”, and ask what his real birthday is. The person may or may not happily disclose this secretive information depending on his intelligence.

　　Step 2: You need to know the RL identity of the person you want to ban.

　　You realized that I had kept using the pronoun “he”? This is because you can only ban a male. If your target is a she, the supposedly secretive ritual automatically fails. Oh, and make sure that your target isn’t a Korean; you know, we would very much like to ban the Koreans, as they are the ones that we have direct conflict with, but somehow it never worked, so instead we had to choose Indonesia. I offer 100 Forfeit Points for anyone who can improve this magic, to make it also work on Koreans! That would be much more helpful than banning an Indonesian president, eh?

　　Step 3: Brainwash the admin

　　Basically, you would then need to make admin ban the person. Possible methods include hypnosis, far distance mind control, brain washing laser gun, and the imperio curse. Note that none of these work on Koreans – they must be a blessed race that are protected by some kind of magical blessing or something, or how come our banning magic never work on them? Anyhow, you need to perform any one of these options, so you can somehow manipulate the admin into banning people.

　　Step 4: Get yourself a unicorn horn.

　　Now you have brainwashed the admin. In order for making them ban people, you need a unicorn horn. Don’t ask why; unicorns are magical, so somehow it just works – I guess magic does work in a mysterious way. The unicorns are most widely available in children’s picture books, but they also abundant in Korea – did I say that Koreans are such a blessed race? They have a land full with unicorns! That’s why we invaded them.

　　Step 5: Make yourself a plate of spaghetti, and pray to it.

　　7 years ago, the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) had demonstrated to us that the steady decline in the number of pirates over the years has resulted in global warming. Using the same logic, we have discovered this magical spell that bans all big tanks that fight against us (who are not Koreans). Step 5 asks you to pray to FSM, just to show how thankful you are to the enlighten FSM provided us with.

　　Now you have finished all these steps, all you need to do would then go to bed and sleep; the person who you want to ban would then get a TB next day! (provided that he is a male, and not a Korean; did I mention how this magic never worked on Koreans?)

　　Thank you for your reading!


　　
　E世界的各位讀者，大家好！今天，我看了” RoC are you afraid to Gorilla”這篇文章，而對於我們那個可以把人ban掉的秘密武器，居然被發現了的事實感到十分驚訝。唉，我想那大概不再是秘密了吧？為了公平起見，我決定在此公開Ban人的方法，讓所有人都能使用！

　　第一步：你得知道對方的生日。

　　和世界上所有其他神祕而難以理解的魔法咒文一樣，要使用這個咒語，你必須先得知道”對方的生辰八字。當然，這是指對方在RL裡的生日，而不是eRep的生日，不然這個咒文就也未免太容易了一點，是吧？最有效率可以得到對方RL生日的方法呢，是寫一封PM過去，假裝要給他生日禮物，然後對方會根據個人的智商高低而作出回應。

　　第二步：你得知道對方在RL是什麼樣的人。

　　嘿，我使用的代名詞是”他”對吧？這個意思是，這個神祕的咒語其實是對女性無效的。如果你想用這個咒語去詛咒一位女性的話，那麼咒語將不會成功。喔，還有，你得確認對方是不是韓國人；要知道，我們在這個遊戲裡最想Ban的對像是韓國人，但是不知道為什麼，這個神祕的Ban人大咒法總是無法對韓國人成功，所以我們只好把目標轉為印尼籍人士。我懸賞100FP，給可以把這個魔法咒文改成對韓國人也有效的人！

　　第三步：洗腦無頭雞。

　　基本上，你得讓無頭雞也想Ban這個人。可以嘗試的方法包括催眠、遠距離心靈控制、洗腦光線槍，還有哈利波特裡的蠻橫咒。這些招式不知道為什麼都對韓國人無效－啊，要是能直接控制韓國人多好！他們一定是被祝福了還是怎樣，不然我們怎麼Ban不了他們？嗯，總之，使用以上其中之一的方法，來洗腦無頭雞吧。

　　第四步：弄一根獨角獸的角。

　　很好，你成功的心靈控制住無頭雞了。接下來，為了要Ban人，你還需要一根獨角獸的角；不要問為什麼，反正魔法總是莫名其妙的。獨角獸在小孩子的圖畫書裡很多；喔，那個曾經叫南韓的地方也有。南韓，不錯的地方嘛，滿滿都是獨角獸對吧？這才是我們佔領韓國土地的真正理由啊！獨角獸萬歲！

　　第五步：準備一盤義大利麵，然後對義大利麵祈禱。

　　七年前，飛行義大利麵怪物對我們證明，海盜的數量減少和溫室效應間有著絕對關聯的這項事實。使用相同的邏輯，我們找到了這個可以很不可思議的把所有和我們敵對的大坦都Ban掉的魔法咒文(但是對韓國人無效)。這個第五步是對飛行義大利麵怪物表示感謝的方式。

　　於是你完成了所有手續；接下來，就只需要睡一覺，明天醒來時對方就會自動被TB了！(當然，對方得不是韓國人，因為這法術總不知為何對韓國人無效)